Sharing My Heart - Again

I got to talk to Miss M's mom on the phone tonight for a little bit.
I wanted to tell her that I was working on
Getting Ms. O transferred to have her come live with us.

She was so grateful,
So loving,
So sincere.

She said that CPS is the best thing that happened to her
Because it has made her turn her life around,
Made her fight for her kids,
Made her realize what amazing blessings God has given her in her life,
Despite the hardships.

She thanked me for taking care of Miss M.
She thanked me for bringing Ms. O to my house.

It's NOT me.
It's God.
I'm the one thanking her for the opportunity to love on these girls.
I'm the one thanking her for trusting me with her precious babes.
I'm the one who's life is changing because of her girls.

People keep asking me -
"But how will you let them go?" 
"How will you say goodbye?" 
"I could never do that."
"I don't know how you can handle it when they leave."

The truth is that
I
Can't
Answer
That.

I ask -
How can't I do this?
I was called to do this.
I am being disobedient if I DON'T do this.
That's why I can do this.
Because it's NOT me.
It's God.

God's got His hand on this family
On these girls
On this mother
On their little brother.
On me.

Miss M's and Ms. O's mom loves these kids
With all her heart
And is working her tail off
In a world that is battling against her
In every way,
At every turn.

It's only by the grace of God that the shoe isn't on the other foot.
It's only by the grace of God that the roles aren't reversed.

I don't know why.
I can't explain it.
I can only walk in obedience.
And after years of walking where I KNEW HE didn't want me,
Obedience is a good place.
Obedience is a good thing.
Obedience is a peaceful place -
Despite the unknowns.
Despite the newness.
Despite the roller coaster of emotions. 

It is my pleasure,
My blessing,
My honor,
My calling
To be here for this family -
Here,
Now,
And only He knows what's next
For them
For me. 

God IS in control.
God WILL provide.
God IS providing.