Connecting

 Fostering is not about getting the kids away from their families.  The true goal is to help parents get on track, get them help, and keep their children safe and loved in the meantime until they are able to care for them themselves again.

Now, we all know the horror stories and there are times when it will never be an option for a child to be returned to a parent's care.  However, the many of the causes, children need a temporary place to stay while their parents recover, grow, change, prepare, etc.  We all battle demons - in one way, shape, or form.  It's only by the grace of God that often times the roles are not reversed.

One of the things that my eyes were opened up to the most during my training with my agency was the foster care parent's role not only with supporting the child placed with them, but reaching out and building connections and bridges with the parents as well.  We are highly encouraged to keep a journal dialogue open with the parents.

When Miss M was first placed with me, I honestly was attempting to journal every night....however, after two weeks it became every few days and now, honestly, it's my Friday night task. After Miss M falls into bed, I sit down and write in one of the two journals we pass back and forth.  Tonight was too tired to write in the journal, so I typed it up.  Then I decided to post parts of it here to share what kind of communication I share, what we discuss, and who knows, maybe I'll get other ideas from others who read this and are sharing similar communication with the parents of the children placed in their home.

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Hi, _________.

I hope all is well with you. I am honestly so tired tonight that I was too lazy to pull out a sheet of paper and hand-write a note.  I tend to type faster than I print and then I couldn’t resist the convenience of spell check tonight.

Great news!  I finally talked with Miss M’s CPS worker and got the officially permission to have Miss M call or vice versa during the week.  My cellphone number is ___________.  I’m going to need your number again because I didn’t copy it out of the journal before I sent it back last week. (Doy on my part.)  I usually pick up Miss M from after school child care around ____– ______ and then she starts her bedtime routine right around _______ am.  I know that’s a pretty limited amount of time…but let me know if there are specific nights that work better for you and your schedule.  We are usually pretty open as long as I don’t have training or a meeting.  Does your phone have texting?

Another piece of exciting news is that I was able to find REALLY reasonable plane tickets and could afford to fly Miss M and myself to Michigan over our fall break to visit my family.  We made a calendar chain to help her countdown the days and my niece, _________, in Michigan is so excited to meet Miss M and vice versa.  They are only three months apart in age and I know are going to get along famously. My mom retired from teaching preschool after 39 years this year and is excited to spend each day with us checking out the local pumpkin farms, apple orchards, parks, and doing on fall leaf color tours.  Unfortunately, the timing of the plane tickets in conjunction with the best flights means that Miss M will miss out on two Saturday visits with you.  October 6 and October 13.  I’m really sorry about that.  I was trying to fly out around those weekly visits and not miss more than one, but that would have meant an extra $150 of the tickets.  I was thinking that maybe we could work with _________ to see if we could arrange a mid-week visit the week before we go and the week after we get back?  I’ll start checking in to that.  Otherwise, we can for sure talk via phone while we are gone.  (There is a three hour time difference we’ll need to keep in mind.)

Miss M has been asking me if _______ could come and live with us almost immediately after coming to live with me.  While I wanted to open that possibility up right away, I also wanted to go slow and make sure Miss M got settled in well before making another change.  I’ve talked with the girls’ caseworker and we’re going to start moving forward on possibly having ________ come and live with us.  I haven’t mentioned this to Miss M since nothing is finalized and you know how long it takes to get things finalized sometimes.  She usually comes home after your Saturday visits and asks again, and I typically reply with “After you and I get settled in together and see how things go, we can maybe consider that.  Right now we’ll pray about it and let God decide that and the timing.”  I’ll keep you updated as I hear more and talk with the caseworker more.

I would be willing to have ________come and live with us whenever it worked best, but we’re going to have to wait until after October 13^th when Miss M and I get back from our week in Michigan.  I looked into the possibility of buying a third ticket but with just three weeks out before going, that one ticket would be close to the price of the two of ours combined.

I can’t remember if I told you last week or not, but Miss M is taking a dance/cheer class on Thursday afternoons.  We received a grant from a foster care foundation that is paying for the class.  She’s such a music and dance nut.  J  I’m an administrator of a middle school and tonight was the first dance/social of the year.  I walked across the parking lot during the switch between the 6^th graders and 7/8^th grade dances to pick Miss M up from after school care and then she, and the principal’s two girls, came and joined us for the second dance.  They were so funny.  They danced for over an hour with no inhibitions, pure joy, and content smiles on their face.  At one point, Miss M saw one group of kids start a “congo” line, so she and the other two little girls started their own and some of the big kids’ joined on.  It was so funny to watch and observe.

Miss M had a great week at school.  She’s doing so well on her spelling, weekly reading tests, and weekly math assessments.  Her teacher is really pleased with her progress, her hard work, and her ability to make inferences.

Last Friday night was an ice cream social at her school and I was able to observe her with some of her new friends at school.  Everyone she meets loves her and talks about what a great kid she is.  They all also usually say what a talker she is – and I am truly glad because I don’t know what I would have done if she were super shy!  J

Miss M’s started up with another cold again.  It kind of popped up on Thursday and today she was a little on the miserable side – but since it was just a cold with the biggest issue being a stuffy nose (which she hates) we didn’t stay home.  I did run to the drug store on the way home tonight and get her some cold medicine in the hopes of alleviating a little of the sinus pressure.  Does she get colds a lot or have any seasonal allergies?  She got into a bit of a kick on Thursday saying she was having an “allergy attack” (She’s got a flair for drama! Hee, hee.) but I told her it was just a cold. But I did wonder if maybe this is kind of typical for her this time of the year with the weather changing back and forth with humidity, dust, and rain?

I hope things are going well for you.  You are covered in our prayers every day.  Miss M was so happy to tell me that she talked with your mom and _______ last Saturday during your visit.  All week she talks about Saturday when she gets to see you and spend time with you.  Let me know if there is anything specific that Miss M and I, or just I, can be praying about for you.  You are loved!

Fondly,

Maryann

PS – I’m attaching a few pictures from this week and a few verses.  See the next pages.  Much love!

This is a set of verses that have been plugging around in my head and heart for the past week or so. I thought I would share them with you as encouragement in case you are like me and tend to get overwhelmed with the “but-whats” and “but-hows” of life. 

Do Not Worry

²⁵ “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? ²⁶ Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? ²⁷ Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?

²⁸ “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. ²⁹ Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. ³⁰ If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? ³¹ So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ ³² For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. ³³ But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. ³⁴ Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

Matthew 6:25-34

This is a picture of some art work that Miss M’s art teacher sent me via email this week.  I love that she’s watched out for on a daily basis with the family of teachers I co-taught with for 9 years!  Isn’t this amazing?!?

This picture is kind of funny, but some friends of mine from my old school, Miss M’s school, gifted me with a generous gift card (welcoming me into the foster care world) and I invested in a desperately needed regular vacuum and hand vac.  Miss M just loves them and calls the yellow one “hers” and the purple one “mine.”  J  Needless to say, getting her to help vacuuming isn’t much of a challenge right now.  (She’s looking for excuses to pull them out!)  J

This isn’t the greatest picture…but we were able to go see a play at Tempe Center for the Arts last Sunday called “Rock the Presidents.”  It was a lot of fun and Miss M was pretty impressed that she got to meet the actors in the play afterwards. These tickets were a gift from a former colleague and friend. 

Here’s your Sunshine-girl outside Tempe Center for the Arts.  It was actually a gorgeous day and she loved being on the water.

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Praise Reports:

Miss M had a great time at the school dance tonight.  It was such a joy watching her truly be free to dance, free to be herself, free to be free.

Prayer Requests: 

Please pray that the lines of communication between Miss M's mom and myself will continue to develop, grow, and hopefully eventually lead to talking on the phone, and meeting face to face.  Please pray that I may be a help in her life and vice versa.