Friday, August 31, 2012
6:30pm Friday night
I call the parent aide to confirm the pick up time and drop off time for Miss M's visit with her mom and siblings tomorrow.
Because, of course,
No one called me.
I am told it is cancelled.
It's not because of her mom.
It's because of the system supposed to be connecting them all.
Which makes it even harder to shallow.
To explain.
Then it's left to me to break a little girl's heart.
As if it hasn't been enough already.
The tears are totally understandable.
Expected.
Yet heartbreaking.
How to comfort
Yet not ignore
Or gloss-over
Or minimize.
How to fill-in
Yet not replace
Or over-compensate
Or spoil.
Praise Reports:
A friend (THANK YOU PATTY!) is going to take Miss M to see Brave tomorrow morning so I can still have the much needed therapy time with another friend who I've been trying to get together with for over a month now. Thank you, Lord, for my friends and their willingness to side by my side and help me be a single mom.
Prayer Requests:
Please pray for Miss M, her sister, her brother, and her mom who I am sure are all hurting in a variety of ways because their two hour visit was cancelled for tomorrow for no fault or doing of their own.
Thursday, August 30, 2012
Dessert Lover
The first night Miss M came to live with me
We went to Oregano's
I decided to do something special and get the
AMAZING
YUMMY
DELICIOUS
YUMMY
DELICIOUS
Chocolate Chip Pizza Cookie
As dessert
BEFORE
We ate our main meal.
The problem is that now,
A MONTH LATER
(Yes! It's a month as of today.)
She thinks that every time we go out for dinner
That means we get dessert.
Sigh.
(Someday I'll learn.)
I've explained
And re-explained
That just isn't so.
That night was a special night.
That restaurant is our special restaurant.
When we go there, we will spoil ourselves.
(We only will go there once a month.)
But no dessert other places.
It's just not sinking in.
Tonight
I was tired
Hot
Tired
And frankly, cooking dinner was the last thing I wanted to do.
So I finally used up a California Pizza Kitchen gift certificate I got from
Someone
Some time
A while ago.
As we are walking in
Miss M starts talking about dessert.
I have the "dessert" conversation with her
Again.
We ordered
We practiced her spelling words on the iPad until our food comes.
She exclaimed about the yummy pizza
And perfect crust.
And then she saw the dessert menu.
Sigh.
Then came the talk about how good a brownie would be.
Oh, wait.
The ice cream sundae is even better.
I listen
But I don't engage.
Then
The wheels start turning.
"I have money, Mommy."
"Yes, you do."
"The ice cream sundae is just a dollar."
(I do a double check at the kid's menu -
And I am surprised that is true.)
"Yes, it is."
"So we could come again,
And I could bring a dollar,
And I could buy dessert."
"Yes, I supposed you could."
"Or, you could buy it for me
Tonight
And I could pay you back when we get home."
"Hmmm...that's a thought."
Eyes light up.
Drama-filled eyes.
(I swear, she looks like a cartoon when she does it.)
"So are you saying yes?"
"I didn't say anything because I never heard a question."
She turns to face me square on.
(Her hands might have been clasped in prayer -
Or that might be MY over-dramatization)
"Mommy? Can you
PLEEEEEEEEEEEEEASE
Buy me an ice cream sundae and I will pay you back the $1 when we get home?"
"Yes. That will be okay."
Delightful squeals follow.
(Thankfully it was really full in there.)
Then I continue.
"This time.
But spending your allowance money on dessert is only going to happen once a month.
Not more.
Got it?"
"Got it."
(I'm getting really good at bursting bubbles just as they start to grow.)
Here is the picture I took as proof of:
1). How big a sundae they give to kids at CPK for $1 (if you purchase a kid's meal).
2). The sundae with her thumb's up so she couldn't forget and then not pay me. (Okay, so I wouldn't forget and remember to have her pay up.)
She oohed
And ahhed
over EVERY bite.
She held the bowl up to her mouth like a wine goblet and literally licked out every last drop.
(I should have put a stop to that, but...whatever.)
Sigh.
My little drama girl.
(I've got to find an acting group for her!)
PS.
I did get the dollar.
At bedtime.
We were playing roses and thorns.
The whole day was a rose.
(It usually is....thankfully.)
But I always make her say at least 3 specific reasons WHY it was a rosy day.
The ice cream sundae was one of the 3.
That reminded me to get the dollar.
Whew.
Praise Reports:
--I had my last weekly visit with my On-Going Casework from the agency I was licensed and trained through today. This is a praise not because it's not good for me to meet with her, but the number of meetings is now reduced from once a week to once a month. This will make my life, and calendar, quite a bit easier.
Prayer Requests:
--Selfishly - it is the same as last night. I am really praying that Miss M's visit will be for the full time length that it is supposed to be so that I can spend time with a dear friend. I need the friend therapy time, badly, and it's really hard to do that with an 8 year old who listens in on everything. The scheduled visit, with transportation included, is supposed to be 8:30 - 1:30, but the past two Saturdays I've gotten a call between 11:00 and 11:30 that they were bringing her back home already. That makes planning anything kind of hard when it's a two hour difference from what was originally set-up.
Wednesday, August 29, 2012
A 21st Century Imagination
I have a very active imagination
Always have.
It keeps me quite amused at times.
It also keeps me wide awake at times.
It also was the reason my father got woke up in the middle of the night way too many times with my moaning voice leaning over him saying "I had a bad dream."
(Poor guy.)
However, despite my active imagination,
And my love for theater and acting,
I was never a kid who did imagination play.
(Now...my younger sisters, they are another story.)
Then I became a babysitter
And I hated it even more.
I never knew what to say.
What to pretend.
I never could stand how long it seemed to go on
And on
And on.
I was the master of "other activities"
(That usually involved chasing, running, hiding, etc.)
Miss M loves imagination play.
All her dolls have names.
Background stories.
Jobs.
Family.
Drama.
Pets.
Wardrobes for special occasions.
And....
Thankfully for me
She's great at it
And she doesn't need
(Or ask!)
Me to play along.
It's just her and her imagination.
Out Loud.
And today
Her socks,
(And mine),
Were blessed right off her little feet
When a large box arrived from my cousin and her teenage daughter
Stuffed with toys that every little 8 year old would dream of.
Miss M's eye about bulged out of her head.
It was like Christmas.
Dolls
Toys
Jewelry
Hair Stuff
Games
Stuffed Animals
And more!
(Kristi and Alli -
You totally made Miss M's day.
Week.
Month.)
We were supposed to have a visit from her stabilization worker.
At 5:00.
At 5:15 she called.
She said she'd be here later.
At 6:30 she still wasn't here.
I finally texted her and said "Don't bother."
One, because it was late.
But, two.
Miss M was having the time of her life.
Her new dolls and animals joined her old dolls and animals.
Introductions were made,
New backgrounds were entwined together,
The living room became a living map of a town,
And animals, and dolls, were transported around town the cardboard box everything showed up in.
Now
I grew up without a TV my entire childhood.
People always asked me
"But what do you do all evening?"
I never knew how to reply.
We just did.
I didn't know any other way.
Some nights Miss M and I struggle with the
"No tv" tonight
Or
"Let's do something else" options.
But NOT tonight!
Tonight, Miss M proved it.
Imaginative play is exciting
Fun
And a little crazy.
(Oh, I wish you could hear some of the songs her animals were singing to each other.)
No technology needed.
I was thinking to myself how cool it was that she was just playing.
Just imagining.
Just loving life.
Then she got out her purse and her money
And she decided to make a store.
But to go shopping, she needed a cell phone.
(In case there is an emergency).
And the next thing I knew,
Miss M had designed her very own technology.
I thought it was hysterical that her imaginative play time
Incorporated the 21st century that she has lived in her entire life
She never asked to borrow or use the real things
She just got the art supplies out and worked
And created
And designed
And talked to herself the entire time.
After she went to bed tonight,
I could help but pull out her technology items that were in her new purse.
See for yourself.
This is 21st Imaginative Play at it's finest.
No detail left off.
Praise Reports:
-I am just constantly overwhelmed by the generosity and support of others. I know without a doubt that the Lord has called me to be a foster parent, but I can't tell you how many times wonder to myself "how is this going to work", "where is that going to come from", "who can I find to help me", etc. and within days, hours, moments - these internal thoughts/prayers are answered. I am humbled. I am grateful. I am in awe of His care to every single detail.
Prayer Request:
-The last two Saturdays Miss M's visit with her mom has been cut short for one reason or another. She hasn't complained, but I did make plans for this Saturday for while she is supposed to be gone and I am selfishly praying that I don't receive a phone call this week (like I have the past two) telling me they are dropping her off two hours earlier than planned.
-It's disappointing when you rush home for a set appointment only to have nothing happen. I need to have more grace in these kinds of situations. I am realizing that this is the norm and I need to prepare my mind ahead of time for that fact.
Always have.
It keeps me quite amused at times.
It also keeps me wide awake at times.
It also was the reason my father got woke up in the middle of the night way too many times with my moaning voice leaning over him saying "I had a bad dream."
(Poor guy.)
However, despite my active imagination,
And my love for theater and acting,
I was never a kid who did imagination play.
(Now...my younger sisters, they are another story.)
Then I became a babysitter
And I hated it even more.
I never knew what to say.
What to pretend.
I never could stand how long it seemed to go on
And on
And on.
I was the master of "other activities"
(That usually involved chasing, running, hiding, etc.)
Miss M loves imagination play.
All her dolls have names.
Background stories.
Jobs.
Family.
Drama.
Pets.
Wardrobes for special occasions.
And....
Thankfully for me
She's great at it
And she doesn't need
(Or ask!)
Me to play along.
It's just her and her imagination.
Out Loud.
And today
Her socks,
(And mine),
Were blessed right off her little feet
When a large box arrived from my cousin and her teenage daughter
Stuffed with toys that every little 8 year old would dream of.
Miss M's eye about bulged out of her head.
It was like Christmas.
Dolls
Toys
Jewelry
Hair Stuff
Games
Stuffed Animals
And more!
(Kristi and Alli -
You totally made Miss M's day.
Week.
Month.)
We were supposed to have a visit from her stabilization worker.
At 5:00.
At 5:15 she called.
She said she'd be here later.
At 6:30 she still wasn't here.
I finally texted her and said "Don't bother."
One, because it was late.
But, two.
Miss M was having the time of her life.
Her new dolls and animals joined her old dolls and animals.
Introductions were made,
New backgrounds were entwined together,
The living room became a living map of a town,
And animals, and dolls, were transported around town the cardboard box everything showed up in.
 | |
| This is now what my coffee table looks like on a regular basis. And, honestly. I love it this way. |
I grew up without a TV my entire childhood.
People always asked me
"But what do you do all evening?"
I never knew how to reply.
We just did.
I didn't know any other way.
Some nights Miss M and I struggle with the
"No tv" tonight
Or
"Let's do something else" options.
But NOT tonight!
Tonight, Miss M proved it.
Imaginative play is exciting
Fun
And a little crazy.
(Oh, I wish you could hear some of the songs her animals were singing to each other.)
No technology needed.
I was thinking to myself how cool it was that she was just playing.
Just imagining.
Just loving life.
Then she got out her purse and her money
And she decided to make a store.
But to go shopping, she needed a cell phone.
(In case there is an emergency).
And the next thing I knew,
Miss M had designed her very own technology.
I thought it was hysterical that her imaginative play time
Incorporated the 21st century that she has lived in her entire life
She never asked to borrow or use the real things
She just got the art supplies out and worked
And created
And designed
And talked to herself the entire time.
After she went to bed tonight,
I could help but pull out her technology items that were in her new purse.
See for yourself.
This is 21st Imaginative Play at it's finest.
No detail left off.
 |
| The cellphone |
 |
| The iPod |
 |
| The outside of the DS |
 |
| The inside of the DS - with the map of how the living room was set-up for her shopping trip game |
 |
| The outside of the laptop |
 |
| The inside of the laptop with the similar map because "Well, Mommy - the DS is really just a mini computer but sometimes it's better to see it on full screen." |
 |
| And the iPad. (With letters representing all the apps on my iPad and iPod that she loves to play.) |
Praise Reports:
-I am just constantly overwhelmed by the generosity and support of others. I know without a doubt that the Lord has called me to be a foster parent, but I can't tell you how many times wonder to myself "how is this going to work", "where is that going to come from", "who can I find to help me", etc. and within days, hours, moments - these internal thoughts/prayers are answered. I am humbled. I am grateful. I am in awe of His care to every single detail.
Prayer Request:
-The last two Saturdays Miss M's visit with her mom has been cut short for one reason or another. She hasn't complained, but I did make plans for this Saturday for while she is supposed to be gone and I am selfishly praying that I don't receive a phone call this week (like I have the past two) telling me they are dropping her off two hours earlier than planned.
-It's disappointing when you rush home for a set appointment only to have nothing happen. I need to have more grace in these kinds of situations. I am realizing that this is the norm and I need to prepare my mind ahead of time for that fact.
2 AM
I'm wide awake.
The problem?
It's 2 AM.
I haven't been sleeping well.
The cold.
The brain not shutting off.
(Really - it's 99% brain and 1% cold at this point.)
I hate when this happens.
An email I need to take care of from work brought me out of bed.
How could I have forgotten that?
Self-berating never leads to sleep anytime soon.
Get out.
Type it.
Reread it a thousand times.
Hit send.
Pray.
I'm wondering if I am doing anything right.
Wondering if I'll do anything right ever again.
Dramatic.
I know.
But, heck.
It's 2 AM.
Then I look in the bedroom next to me.
A sleeping 8 year old.
Always sleeping.
On her back.
Arm above her head.
No covers.
(Yet she's always cold during the day - weird.)
I'm jealous of her sleeping
Yet, at the same time so happy she's a good sleeper.
And now
Back to the bed for me.
Sleep - come quickly.
Please.
The problem?
It's 2 AM.
I haven't been sleeping well.
The cold.
The brain not shutting off.
(Really - it's 99% brain and 1% cold at this point.)
I hate when this happens.
An email I need to take care of from work brought me out of bed.
How could I have forgotten that?
Self-berating never leads to sleep anytime soon.
Get out.
Type it.
Reread it a thousand times.
Hit send.
Pray.
I'm wondering if I am doing anything right.
Wondering if I'll do anything right ever again.
Dramatic.
I know.
But, heck.
It's 2 AM.
Then I look in the bedroom next to me.
A sleeping 8 year old.
Always sleeping.
On her back.
Arm above her head.
No covers.
(Yet she's always cold during the day - weird.)
I'm jealous of her sleeping
Yet, at the same time so happy she's a good sleeper.
And now
Back to the bed for me.
Sleep - come quickly.
Please.
Sunday, August 26, 2012
Sharing the Good, Bad....and the Sickness
On Tuesday morning
Miss M woke up with a stuffy nose
And raspy throat.
On Tuesday afternoon
Miss M was complaining about a headache
And I gave her some children's Tylenol and sent her to bed.
On Wednesday morning
Miss M woke up with a stuffy nose
But her voice was back to normal.
On Thursday morning
Miss M still had a little bit of a stuffy nose
And now, so did I.
On Friday morning
Miss M seemed back to normal.
And I was getting worse.
On Friday night
Miss M was sleeping
And I was up every hour because I couldn't breath.
On Saturday morning
Miss M apologized
And I started my Mucinx D - trying in vain to fight off the looming sinus infection.
On Saturday night
Miss M and the other 80 children at children's church listened
And I used my teacher voice because the mic system was down.
On Saturday night
Miss M kept asking what was wrong with my voice
And I knew it would be gone be totally gone by morning.
On Sunday morning
Miss M said we could just stay home in pjs
And I thanked her for that gift of understanding.
On Sunday afternoon
Miss M whispered back to me every time she didn't hear what I said the first time
And I kept trying not to use my voice.
On Sunday night
Miss M slept
And I arranged a car ride for her to go to school tomorrow.
On Monday morning
Miss M will go to school
And I will rest, not talk, and hopefully start the downhill part of this "thing."
************
Miss M is a kiddo who apologizes.
A lot.
For things in her control
And not in her control.
People have long nagged me about the same issue.
I don't even know I do it.
Then I apologize again when they point it out to me.
It's a vicious cycle.
But, now I do know
How truly annoying it is at times.
Anyway -
Well, now that I am sick,
Miss M keeps apologizing.
I have developed a canned response,
"Hey, when you leave with each other
And love each other,
You are bound to share the good, bad, and sickness."
She didn't apologize as much today
I was actually able to blow my nose without her saying
"I'm sorry."
That's progress.
************
Praise Reports:
-My cousin was in town this weekend. We had a great time and we were able to discuss "boundaries" and "personal space" a few times and my cousin was willing to be that guinea pig in helping Miss M develop questions and statements before invading others' personal space.
-Miss M has a ride to school tomorrow and I can take the day to rest. Huge blessing.
Prayer Request:
-That my sinus infection will heal quickly. I hate these things and I get them way too much.
Miss M woke up with a stuffy nose
And raspy throat.
On Tuesday afternoon
Miss M was complaining about a headache
And I gave her some children's Tylenol and sent her to bed.
On Wednesday morning
Miss M woke up with a stuffy nose
But her voice was back to normal.
On Thursday morning
Miss M still had a little bit of a stuffy nose
And now, so did I.
On Friday morning
Miss M seemed back to normal.
And I was getting worse.
On Friday night
Miss M was sleeping
And I was up every hour because I couldn't breath.
On Saturday morning
Miss M apologized
And I started my Mucinx D - trying in vain to fight off the looming sinus infection.
On Saturday night
Miss M and the other 80 children at children's church listened
And I used my teacher voice because the mic system was down.
On Saturday night
Miss M kept asking what was wrong with my voice
And I knew it would be gone be totally gone by morning.
On Sunday morning
Miss M said we could just stay home in pjs
And I thanked her for that gift of understanding.
On Sunday afternoon
Miss M whispered back to me every time she didn't hear what I said the first time
And I kept trying not to use my voice.
On Sunday night
Miss M slept
And I arranged a car ride for her to go to school tomorrow.
On Monday morning
Miss M will go to school
And I will rest, not talk, and hopefully start the downhill part of this "thing."
************
Miss M is a kiddo who apologizes.
A lot.
For things in her control
And not in her control.
People have long nagged me about the same issue.
I don't even know I do it.
Then I apologize again when they point it out to me.
It's a vicious cycle.
But, now I do know
How truly annoying it is at times.
Anyway -
Well, now that I am sick,
Miss M keeps apologizing.
I have developed a canned response,
"Hey, when you leave with each other
And love each other,
You are bound to share the good, bad, and sickness."
She didn't apologize as much today
I was actually able to blow my nose without her saying
"I'm sorry."
That's progress.
************
Praise Reports:
-My cousin was in town this weekend. We had a great time and we were able to discuss "boundaries" and "personal space" a few times and my cousin was willing to be that guinea pig in helping Miss M develop questions and statements before invading others' personal space.
-Miss M has a ride to school tomorrow and I can take the day to rest. Huge blessing.
Prayer Request:
-That my sinus infection will heal quickly. I hate these things and I get them way too much.
Saturday, August 25, 2012
Being on the Receiving End
Today was
awesome
fun
weird
uncomfortable
new
special
blessed.
My dear friends
family
support system
from the elementary school I taught at for nine years
gathered at a local restaurant
for me.
For me.
That was the weird part.
They all came for me.
That was the uncomfortable part.
And the awesome part
special part
blessed part
and new part.
I'm 36 and single.
I've attended many
baby showers
wedding showers
bridal showers
engagement parties
wedding receptions
kid birthday parties
for friends
for family
for people I love.
But
today was new.
It was for me.
(So my mom doesn't get mad....I did have a few birthday parties when I was a kid. They were great. Thanks, mom! Especially seeing that my birthday is three days after Christmas.)
Thankfully my friends also know that I don't
REALLY don't
like surprises
(I read the last pages first and research the movie secrets before hand).
So they asked me.
(Well, they told me.)
They wanted to celebrate me.
"Yay, you are a foster mom."
Speechless.
Humbled.
Uncomfortable.
Blessed.
The big pink wrapped basket full of mother survival goodies was a surprise.
Hand sanitzer
Band aids
Recipe ingredients
6-pack of a special mommy drink with Margarita in the title
Shopping list paper
E-mergen packet
Nail polish
M&M's
A prayer book
Words of wisdom
A card from my former school family - those who could and couldn't come
8 tickets to any AZ Child's Play
(Miss M and I are already picking out the 4 shows we want to go see.)
And a Target gift card that was way too generous.
(But appreciated.)
Once we sat
Talked
Ate
Caught up
Laughed
Shared stories
There was no weirdness
or uncomfortableness.
How could there be with friends?
Just blessings
Upon blessings
Upon blessings.
It was just new and different
But special and fun.
So much fun.
Praise Reports:
-Being blessed beyond words from friends. It doesn't get better than that.
-Teaching the kids at children's church tonight about Matthew 6 - Not to worry. If God takes care of the lilies and the sparrows, surely there is nothing to worry about. I needed to hear that more than any of the 80 kids in that room, that was for sure.
-Miss M's mom wrote a note back in the journal I send with Miss M to every visit!
Prayer Requests:
-Miss M's mom is working on getting minutes on her cell phone and if that happens then Miss M will be able to start making calls on some days...if CPS approves it. Pray as I contact CPS this week and that they will have wisdom in the situation and that I, and Miss M, will be able to accept whatever their decision is.
awesome
fun
weird
uncomfortable
new
special
blessed.
My dear friends
family
support system
from the elementary school I taught at for nine years
gathered at a local restaurant
for me.
For me.
That was the weird part.
They all came for me.
That was the uncomfortable part.
And the awesome part
special part
blessed part
and new part.
I'm 36 and single.
I've attended many
baby showers
wedding showers
bridal showers
engagement parties
wedding receptions
kid birthday parties
for friends
for family
for people I love.
But
today was new.
It was for me.
(So my mom doesn't get mad....I did have a few birthday parties when I was a kid. They were great. Thanks, mom! Especially seeing that my birthday is three days after Christmas.)
Thankfully my friends also know that I don't
REALLY don't
like surprises
(I read the last pages first and research the movie secrets before hand).
So they asked me.
(Well, they told me.)
They wanted to celebrate me.
"Yay, you are a foster mom."
Speechless.
Humbled.
Uncomfortable.
Blessed.
The big pink wrapped basket full of mother survival goodies was a surprise.
Hand sanitzer
Band aids
Recipe ingredients
6-pack of a special mommy drink with Margarita in the title
Shopping list paper
E-mergen packet
Nail polish
M&M's
A prayer book
Words of wisdom
A card from my former school family - those who could and couldn't come
8 tickets to any AZ Child's Play
(Miss M and I are already picking out the 4 shows we want to go see.)
And a Target gift card that was way too generous.
(But appreciated.)
Once we sat
Talked
Ate
Caught up
Laughed
Shared stories
There was no weirdness
or uncomfortableness.
How could there be with friends?
Just blessings
Upon blessings
Upon blessings.
It was just new and different
But special and fun.
So much fun.
Praise Reports:
-Being blessed beyond words from friends. It doesn't get better than that.
-Teaching the kids at children's church tonight about Matthew 6 - Not to worry. If God takes care of the lilies and the sparrows, surely there is nothing to worry about. I needed to hear that more than any of the 80 kids in that room, that was for sure.
-Miss M's mom wrote a note back in the journal I send with Miss M to every visit!
Prayer Requests:
-Miss M's mom is working on getting minutes on her cell phone and if that happens then Miss M will be able to start making calls on some days...if CPS approves it. Pray as I contact CPS this week and that they will have wisdom in the situation and that I, and Miss M, will be able to accept whatever their decision is.
Friday, August 24, 2012
The thorns among the roses...
I didn't blog yesterday.
I couldn't.
I was hurt.
I was sad.
I was confused.
Still am, honestly.
Still will be, for a while.
A long while.
It's not Miss M.
It's not fostering.
There are just a lot of changes in my life.
Good, bad, and ugly comes with it.
Yesterday was ugly.
Reached out last night to two friends.
They prayed.
They prayed today.
I felt it.
Thank you, Lord.
*****************
So...today was Friday.
Miss M had her wellness check at the doctor's.
It's taken several weeks to work out their schedule and mine to make this happen.
It happened today.
She is well.
She is healthy.
God is good.
School records came in from previous school yesterday.
Went to the doctor today.
Decision was made to get these updated.
She was a trooper.
Big time.
No tears.
So brave.
Held her on my lap.
Surreal.
****************
Today in her red take-home folder I found this.
It was on her desk for me to read during curriculum night.
I wasn't able to go.
Required class I had to attend.
I'm saving this one.
Maybe framing it.
***********************
My cousin came into town this weekend for a wedding.
It's triple MMM time!
We went to Oregano's.
Miss M's pick.
She felt she deserved a chocolate chip pizza cookie after braving 4 shots.
We agreed.
All was well.
Until this -
Or something kind of like this -
Literally dived bomb her at the outside patio table.
I don't think I'll be able to get
the sound of Miss M screaming
"MOMMY" with complete
fear
horror
desperation
out of my head,
ever.
She dived bombed into my chair as a result.
Shaking.
Crying.
Sobbing.
It was
HUGE
(probably two of my thumbs stacked on top of each other)
YELLOW
(maybe?)
FLYING LIKE MAD.
(freaky part)
We didn't know what it was at first.
(We were all thinking Bee, for sure.)
People around us got up.
Helped shoo it away.
Kept an eye out in case it came back.
Offered to buy her a root beer float.
(Sweet, but the pizza cookie was still the priority.)
Stopped over as they left to assure her they would have done the same thing.
When we prayed for dinner Miss M said,
"Don't forget to pray to God that the beetle doesn't come back."
When my cousin asked her what her favorite science topic to study in school was,
Miss M said,
"Insects"
Then smiled and said,
"Well, I like to study them - I just don't like them dive bombing me outside."
*************
Can you guess what her two thorns were tonight when we prepared for sleep?
*************
Praise Reports:
*Miss M is doing wonderful academic work at school! She loves to show off the graded and finished work she brings home. Doing well is very important to her.
Prayer Requests:
-Miss M and her mom and siblings have a family meet time tomorrow morning. Last weekend the time together was cut way short because 1) the mom's cab didn't pick her up as planned and 2) the place in the community they attempted to meet at was crazy crowded and they couldn't really spend any quality time together. Praying this Saturday's visit goes more smoothly.
I couldn't.
I was hurt.
I was sad.
I was confused.
Still am, honestly.
Still will be, for a while.
A long while.
It's not Miss M.
It's not fostering.
There are just a lot of changes in my life.
Good, bad, and ugly comes with it.
Yesterday was ugly.
Reached out last night to two friends.
They prayed.
They prayed today.
I felt it.
Thank you, Lord.
*****************
So...today was Friday.
Miss M had her wellness check at the doctor's.
It's taken several weeks to work out their schedule and mine to make this happen.
It happened today.
She is well.
She is healthy.
God is good.
School records came in from previous school yesterday.
Went to the doctor today.
Decision was made to get these updated.
 |
| Count them. There were four. There was supposed to be the flu spray as well, but they were out of the kind her insurance covers. We go back in three months for three more and then two more three months after that. I didn't even attempt to approach her with that news today. |
Big time.
No tears.
So brave.
Held her on my lap.
Surreal.
****************
Today in her red take-home folder I found this.
I wasn't able to go.
Required class I had to attend.
I'm saving this one.
Maybe framing it.
***********************
My cousin came into town this weekend for a wedding.
It's triple MMM time!
We went to Oregano's.
Miss M's pick.
She felt she deserved a chocolate chip pizza cookie after braving 4 shots.
We agreed.
All was well.
Until this -
Or something kind of like this -
Literally dived bomb her at the outside patio table.
the sound of Miss M screaming
"MOMMY" with complete
fear
horror
desperation
out of my head,
ever.
She dived bombed into my chair as a result.
Shaking.
Crying.
Sobbing.
It was
HUGE
(probably two of my thumbs stacked on top of each other)
YELLOW
(maybe?)
FLYING LIKE MAD.
(freaky part)
We didn't know what it was at first.
(We were all thinking Bee, for sure.)
People around us got up.
Helped shoo it away.
Kept an eye out in case it came back.
Offered to buy her a root beer float.
(Sweet, but the pizza cookie was still the priority.)
Stopped over as they left to assure her they would have done the same thing.
When we prayed for dinner Miss M said,
"Don't forget to pray to God that the beetle doesn't come back."
When my cousin asked her what her favorite science topic to study in school was,
Miss M said,
"Insects"
Then smiled and said,
"Well, I like to study them - I just don't like them dive bombing me outside."
*************
Can you guess what her two thorns were tonight when we prepared for sleep?
*************
Praise Reports:
*Miss M is doing wonderful academic work at school! She loves to show off the graded and finished work she brings home. Doing well is very important to her.
Prayer Requests:
-Miss M and her mom and siblings have a family meet time tomorrow morning. Last weekend the time together was cut way short because 1) the mom's cab didn't pick her up as planned and 2) the place in the community they attempted to meet at was crazy crowded and they couldn't really spend any quality time together. Praying this Saturday's visit goes more smoothly.
Wednesday, August 22, 2012
Note to Self
I've realized that I very few "kid" videos and absolutely no animated videos.
It's not that I don't like them,
Love them actually,
I just have never invested in them.
This weekend I decided to purchase 1 DVD as a "reward" for Miss M
She was going to watch it on my laptop
with headphones
during my meeting yesterday.
It was the carrot of the day.
She didn't get to finish it yesterday.
(See Tuesday's blog)
The deal was that if today went well, she could finish it today.
Now
When I purchased it
My criteria was simple
Animation
Full-length
Cheap
Under $5 to be exact.
I found this that fit the bill
And I knew my little girly-girl would love.
She loves Barbies.
She loves singing.
What a perfect match.
I never gave it a second thought.
Then today came
When she watched it at the house
On the big tv.
With full volume.
And then it hit me.
Smack between the eyes.
I am going to have to watch
Singing Barbie Movie
A MILLION TIMES.
Oy.
I let her start it as I was finishing dinner
and talking to my sister on the phone.
(I may have been avoiding the dread that I was certain of.)
Then I finally sat down behind the computer about 1/2 way in to the movie.
About 10 minutes later I find myself asking Miss M
"Wait, which one is that one the princess or the pauper?"
"Didn't hear hair color change from the bathroom to the court?"
"Who is Julian?
"Why is that cat barking?"
About 20 minutes later I find myself thinking
"Barbie can defend herself."
"That's not a bad song, actually."
"Cute message."
And then I watched Miss M
dance
twirl
sing
giggle
hide
(they kissed)
cheer
roll on the ground
(I guess she liked the ending)
So...while I did get lucky on this one
A BIG note to self:
Dear Self,
Do not set the criteria of the movie to be "cheap."
Spend the money and get a movie you know you won't mind having
stuck in your head
playing on your tv
singing in the car
blaring at full volume
You will thank me later.
Sincerely, Maryann
Praise Report:
Today we had three support workers with us at the house from 4:30 - 6:00 pm. One was Miss M's stand-in caseworker from CPS, one was my on-going placement worker with the agency I was licensed through, and one was a stabilization caseworker. The meeting went really well and it felt great to share how well Miss M is doing, set some goals for areas to continual growth, and to receive some ideas, support, and assurances. Christ is in the center of EVERYTHING! I can see His hands working daily and within every situation.
Prayer Request:
Tomorrow is curriculum night at my middle school. My dear friend Patty is going to pick up Miss M from after school care and then bring her to the house to play, eat dinner, and then put to bed. I know mom's have been having to miss bedtimes for years and the kids make it - but I'm already sad that I'll miss our chapter book reading, our bible story, our prayer time, and my favorite - roses and thorns time. She probably won't miss me a bit - Miss Patty is way more fun than I am - but it just seems weird to me after 22 days in a row of a bedtime routine and I won't be here to take part in it tomorrow night. (But, so grateful Patty is willing to step in and keep that consistency.)
It's not that I don't like them,
Love them actually,
I just have never invested in them.
This weekend I decided to purchase 1 DVD as a "reward" for Miss M
She was going to watch it on my laptop
with headphones
during my meeting yesterday.
It was the carrot of the day.
She didn't get to finish it yesterday.
(See Tuesday's blog)
The deal was that if today went well, she could finish it today.
Now
When I purchased it
My criteria was simple
Animation
Full-length
Cheap
Under $5 to be exact.
I found this that fit the bill
And I knew my little girly-girl would love.
She loves Barbies.
She loves singing.
What a perfect match.
I never gave it a second thought.
Then today came
When she watched it at the house
On the big tv.
With full volume.
And then it hit me.
Smack between the eyes.
I am going to have to watch
Singing Barbie Movie
A MILLION TIMES.
Oy.
I let her start it as I was finishing dinner
and talking to my sister on the phone.
(I may have been avoiding the dread that I was certain of.)
Then I finally sat down behind the computer about 1/2 way in to the movie.
About 10 minutes later I find myself asking Miss M
"Wait, which one is that one the princess or the pauper?"
"Didn't hear hair color change from the bathroom to the court?"
"Who is Julian?
"Why is that cat barking?"
About 20 minutes later I find myself thinking
"Barbie can defend herself."
"That's not a bad song, actually."
"Cute message."
And then I watched Miss M
dance
twirl
sing
giggle
hide
(they kissed)
cheer
roll on the ground
(I guess she liked the ending)
So...while I did get lucky on this one
A BIG note to self:
Dear Self,
Do not set the criteria of the movie to be "cheap."
Spend the money and get a movie you know you won't mind having
stuck in your head
playing on your tv
singing in the car
blaring at full volume
You will thank me later.
Sincerely, Maryann
Praise Report:
Today we had three support workers with us at the house from 4:30 - 6:00 pm. One was Miss M's stand-in caseworker from CPS, one was my on-going placement worker with the agency I was licensed through, and one was a stabilization caseworker. The meeting went really well and it felt great to share how well Miss M is doing, set some goals for areas to continual growth, and to receive some ideas, support, and assurances. Christ is in the center of EVERYTHING! I can see His hands working daily and within every situation.
Prayer Request:
Tomorrow is curriculum night at my middle school. My dear friend Patty is going to pick up Miss M from after school care and then bring her to the house to play, eat dinner, and then put to bed. I know mom's have been having to miss bedtimes for years and the kids make it - but I'm already sad that I'll miss our chapter book reading, our bible story, our prayer time, and my favorite - roses and thorns time. She probably won't miss me a bit - Miss Patty is way more fun than I am - but it just seems weird to me after 22 days in a row of a bedtime routine and I won't be here to take part in it tomorrow night. (But, so grateful Patty is willing to step in and keep that consistency.)
Tuesday, August 21, 2012
This and That and One More Thing
The This:
Miss M woke up this morning with a stuffy nose and a horsy-sounding throat. I'm pretty sure it's just a head cold, but it surprised us both this morning when she got up because she sounded fine when she went to bed. She did complain of a headache when I picked her up from after school club and then again just before bed. Her head was slightly warm to the touch, so I decided to give her some children's Tylenol in hopes it would help her sleep and clear her head and maybe her nose a bit. Note to self - Get a thermometer. The good news is that IF it is something more than just a regular cold, we've got her doctor check-up on Friday and she can let us know if something more powerful is needed.
Funny quote from Miss M when she was playing with her play dough after her shower about her stuffy nose.
"I feel like an elephant who got the peanut stuck up his nose instead of eating it."
The That:
This weekend Miss M told me she was part of a new "girls club" at school. This sent my teacher prickles up BIG time and we talked, at length, about it and my concerns and how she could include everyone (I left the no boys piece of it out of the conversation) in the club. Tonight when she got out her clothes to wear tomorrow she informed me she "needs to wear" _____ and ______ colors tomorrow. I guess all the girls in the girls' club are wearing these two colors.
I tried not to overreact...but I have dealt with the "let's all wear this and not tell others" issue way too many times in my teaching career. It didn't sound like that was the plan, but I also didn't want her to get put in that situation either. But, at the same time, the mom side of me didn't want her to be left out.
URGH!
(This parenting stuff is HARD!)
She laid out the clothes and I started to pray and have an internal battle in my head. I brought it up later, shared my concern, shared my experiences. I told her I would like her to NOT wear black and blue tomorrow and all my reasons. She went with me willingly and picked out a new outfit for tomorrow. She's got an arsenal of what to say if others' in the "club" ask her.
Blame the parent. "Maryann said I couldn't wear my ____ and ___ outfit today."
Be different. "I have ___ and ___ clothes, but I decided to wear something else."
Be thankful. "I got this new dress this weekend and I couldn't wait another day to wear it."
The One More Thing:
Tonight Miss M had to go to a meeting with me. I have four people who have been totally open and willing to care for Miss M when/if I have late meetings or trainings - but every single one was busy. I got permission from the leader to bring her along and had been preparing her for it since Sunday. I packed a boat-load of stuff for her to do, eat, and play. She was golden! We got out an hour and a half earlier than I was expecting. She wasn't done with the special "Barbie" movie I found cheap and she had been waiting for all weekend to watch during my meeting. I told her we'd have to pause it and finish it later.
"But I want to finish it."
"The meeting's done and we're heading home. We'll finish it later."
"But I want to stay and finish it."
"Well, I am leaving. So you can come with me or stay here."
It was out of my mouth before I even realized I said it! I sounded just like the mom's I've heard my whole life in the stores trying to get their kid to leave with them when they refuse. I've always hated that (and judged them - I know SO wrong of me!)....and now HERE I DID THE SAME THING!
(And the really bad thing is that this was just after a training on Love and Logic focusing on how to NOT engage students (okay, my kid!) in arguments!
EPIC FAIL, Maryann.
EPIC FAIL.
Her response back to me was:
"Fine. You go and I'll stay."
Sigh.
I shut the laptop,
Took the ear plugs away from her,
And handed her backpack to her without a word.
The good thing is -
She followed me.
(Needless to say, she didn't finish the rest of the movie tonight.)
Praise Reports:
Miss M is an awesome and DEEP sleeper! I can't tell you what a blessing that is. We've been getting quite a few monsoon storms through here at night and she always sleeps right through them. I LOVE THAT!
Prayer Requests:
Tomorrow Miss M's CPS worker is finally coming out to the house to see her, talk to us, and check out how life is going for her here with me. Praying the meeting goes well and smoothly.
Miss M woke up this morning with a stuffy nose and a horsy-sounding throat. I'm pretty sure it's just a head cold, but it surprised us both this morning when she got up because she sounded fine when she went to bed. She did complain of a headache when I picked her up from after school club and then again just before bed. Her head was slightly warm to the touch, so I decided to give her some children's Tylenol in hopes it would help her sleep and clear her head and maybe her nose a bit. Note to self - Get a thermometer. The good news is that IF it is something more than just a regular cold, we've got her doctor check-up on Friday and she can let us know if something more powerful is needed.
Funny quote from Miss M when she was playing with her play dough after her shower about her stuffy nose.
"I feel like an elephant who got the peanut stuck up his nose instead of eating it."
The That:
This weekend Miss M told me she was part of a new "girls club" at school. This sent my teacher prickles up BIG time and we talked, at length, about it and my concerns and how she could include everyone (I left the no boys piece of it out of the conversation) in the club. Tonight when she got out her clothes to wear tomorrow she informed me she "needs to wear" _____ and ______ colors tomorrow. I guess all the girls in the girls' club are wearing these two colors.
I tried not to overreact...but I have dealt with the "let's all wear this and not tell others" issue way too many times in my teaching career. It didn't sound like that was the plan, but I also didn't want her to get put in that situation either. But, at the same time, the mom side of me didn't want her to be left out.
URGH!
(This parenting stuff is HARD!)
She laid out the clothes and I started to pray and have an internal battle in my head. I brought it up later, shared my concern, shared my experiences. I told her I would like her to NOT wear black and blue tomorrow and all my reasons. She went with me willingly and picked out a new outfit for tomorrow. She's got an arsenal of what to say if others' in the "club" ask her.
Blame the parent. "Maryann said I couldn't wear my ____ and ___ outfit today."
Be different. "I have ___ and ___ clothes, but I decided to wear something else."
Be thankful. "I got this new dress this weekend and I couldn't wait another day to wear it."
The One More Thing:
Tonight Miss M had to go to a meeting with me. I have four people who have been totally open and willing to care for Miss M when/if I have late meetings or trainings - but every single one was busy. I got permission from the leader to bring her along and had been preparing her for it since Sunday. I packed a boat-load of stuff for her to do, eat, and play. She was golden! We got out an hour and a half earlier than I was expecting. She wasn't done with the special "Barbie" movie I found cheap and she had been waiting for all weekend to watch during my meeting. I told her we'd have to pause it and finish it later.
"But I want to finish it."
"The meeting's done and we're heading home. We'll finish it later."
"But I want to stay and finish it."
"Well, I am leaving. So you can come with me or stay here."
It was out of my mouth before I even realized I said it! I sounded just like the mom's I've heard my whole life in the stores trying to get their kid to leave with them when they refuse. I've always hated that (and judged them - I know SO wrong of me!)....and now HERE I DID THE SAME THING!
(And the really bad thing is that this was just after a training on Love and Logic focusing on how to NOT engage students (okay, my kid!) in arguments!
EPIC FAIL, Maryann.
EPIC FAIL.
Her response back to me was:
"Fine. You go and I'll stay."
Sigh.
I shut the laptop,
Took the ear plugs away from her,
And handed her backpack to her without a word.
The good thing is -
She followed me.
(Needless to say, she didn't finish the rest of the movie tonight.)
Praise Reports:
Miss M is an awesome and DEEP sleeper! I can't tell you what a blessing that is. We've been getting quite a few monsoon storms through here at night and she always sleeps right through them. I LOVE THAT!
Prayer Requests:
Tomorrow Miss M's CPS worker is finally coming out to the house to see her, talk to us, and check out how life is going for her here with me. Praying the meeting goes well and smoothly.
Monday, August 20, 2012
Not a fan...
So,
Just for the record
I am NOT a fan of the lower lip ____ (insert word below).
-pout
-frown
-whine
-beg
-plead
-drama
It's kind of cute
and funny
(kind of, I said)
at this age:
But not so much today ____________ (insert a sentence below).
-in my car when I tell her the battery to the iPod is dead.
-at after school care when I come to pick her up and she wanted to play more.
-at the restaurant when I won't let her go outside and play in the dust storm.
-on the couch when I say we don't have time to read another chapter.
-in bed when I tell her no I wouldn't be letting her wear the dirty outfit in her laundry basket tomorrow.
The lower lip
(and the crossed arms over the chest that usually accompanies the lower lip)
Tends to get a raised eyebrow respond from me
And then it (usually) gets sucked in and readjusted.
(Sometimes it takes two eyebrows up and a "That looks not working for me" scowl from me.)
We're learning.
:-)
Praise Reports:
-We had an improtu dinner date with my dear friend I haven't seen in forever and the iPod had enough juice to allow Miss M to plug in a bit while I got to finish catching up!
Prayer Requests:
-Remember the rear-end, fender-bender from Friday's blog? Well, please pray because today the other driver submitted a bodily-harm injury claim which is really disturbing to me. She is not filing a claim for damage to her car, but that she was supposed injured - yet she repeatedly assured me she was not hurt, she had no problem walking around, bending down and looking under her car, and said there was nothing wrong and 911 medical help was not called due to that fact. I'm sick to my stomach over it.
Just for the record
I am NOT a fan of the lower lip ____ (insert word below).
-pout
-frown
-whine
-beg
-plead
-drama
It's kind of cute
and funny
(kind of, I said)
at this age:
But not so much today ____________ (insert a sentence below).
-in my car when I tell her the battery to the iPod is dead.
-at after school care when I come to pick her up and she wanted to play more.
-at the restaurant when I won't let her go outside and play in the dust storm.
-on the couch when I say we don't have time to read another chapter.
-in bed when I tell her no I wouldn't be letting her wear the dirty outfit in her laundry basket tomorrow.
The lower lip
(and the crossed arms over the chest that usually accompanies the lower lip)
Tends to get a raised eyebrow respond from me
And then it (usually) gets sucked in and readjusted.
(Sometimes it takes two eyebrows up and a "That looks not working for me" scowl from me.)
We're learning.
:-)
Praise Reports:
-We had an improtu dinner date with my dear friend I haven't seen in forever and the iPod had enough juice to allow Miss M to plug in a bit while I got to finish catching up!
Prayer Requests:
-Remember the rear-end, fender-bender from Friday's blog? Well, please pray because today the other driver submitted a bodily-harm injury claim which is really disturbing to me. She is not filing a claim for damage to her car, but that she was supposed injured - yet she repeatedly assured me she was not hurt, she had no problem walking around, bending down and looking under her car, and said there was nothing wrong and 911 medical help was not called due to that fact. I'm sick to my stomach over it.
Sunday, August 19, 2012
Pajama Day
I love pajama days.
Go no where.
Never get dressed.
Just hang.
Just do.
Just accomplish.
Just chill.
Apparently pajama days are a new concept to Miss M.
"What do you mean I stay in my pjs all day?"
"Why would we do that?"
"We've been in the house forever today."
(It was 11 am.)
She finally got into it around lunch time
When eating her ham and cheese sandwich
Still in her pajamas.
Imaginative play.
Clean up.
TV time.
Play dough time.
Vacuuming.
Laundry.
Organizing.
Preparing.
Meal making.
Vegging.
Skyping.
We ended our day with a lovely swim in the shade.
At dinner, Miss M declared pajama day a success and worthy of another try on another Sunday.
I have taught yet another child how to truly enjoy a pajama day.
Mission accomplished.
Praise Report:
-Miss M is a great helper around the house and enjoys cleaning. :-)
Prayer Request:
*We've got a busy, busy week this week. Three late meetings and company coming at the end of the week. Trying to keep Miss M schedule consistent, get her enough sleep, and not let her feel like she's riding a roller coaster all week.
Go no where.
Never get dressed.
Just hang.
Just do.
Just accomplish.
Just chill.
Apparently pajama days are a new concept to Miss M.
"What do you mean I stay in my pjs all day?"
"Why would we do that?"
"We've been in the house forever today."
(It was 11 am.)
She finally got into it around lunch time
When eating her ham and cheese sandwich
Still in her pajamas.
Imaginative play.
Clean up.
TV time.
Play dough time.
Vacuuming.
Laundry.
Organizing.
Preparing.
Meal making.
Vegging.
Skyping.
We ended our day with a lovely swim in the shade.
At dinner, Miss M declared pajama day a success and worthy of another try on another Sunday.
I have taught yet another child how to truly enjoy a pajama day.
Mission accomplished.
Praise Report:
-Miss M is a great helper around the house and enjoys cleaning. :-)
Prayer Request:
*We've got a busy, busy week this week. Three late meetings and company coming at the end of the week. Trying to keep Miss M schedule consistent, get her enough sleep, and not let her feel like she's riding a roller coaster all week.
Saturday, August 18, 2012
Spending, Saving, Sharing
Those of you who know me well also know that money management is not my strong suit.
It hasn't ever been.
I was the kid who if I had a dollar
I had to spend a dollar.
I would babysit and then spend it.
On little things.
Random things.
Temporary things.
My sister, on the other hand, horded her money.
Never could figure out why.
How.
We won't even start talking about the credit card I got when I started college.
Sigh.
Anyway -
I have always said that I want to be sure to instill in my children money management techniques.
Early on.
Miss M can earn up to $3 a week for allowance.
We are working on concepts of spending, saving, and sharing (aka giving)
10% giving.
And about 50% spending
And 40% saving.
I do know there are great programs out there,
But we are just doing it our way to start.The math gets a little too confusing for me when working with just $3ish dollars a week.
I'm still working on how to separate it each week without having to give her a bunch of change.
We're in the learning process.
Anyway -
Saturday night is Girls' Night Out.
Dinner out.
Allowance passed out.
After Miss M counted up her money tonight
After 3 weeks of allowance earning
She had $9.50.
(She got an extra dollar in the mail from my mom.)
After dinner, we stopped quick into Ross.
I told her I needed to look for a dress for myself in a different size.
But...actually....
I had been there earlier in the day during her visit and scoped out some reasonably priced toys.
I didn't say a word to her
But we eventually made it to the toys.
Her eyes lit up.
She started dreaming.
After a few moments she put two and two together that she could spend her OWN money.
The deliberation was intense.
Some items had to be reconsidered due to the guidelines of sharing, spending, and saving.
Then the choices were narrowed to three.
This was the final choice.
On the way to the counter,
Miss M set up the plan.
I would stand in line first.
She would stand behind me.
I would pay for my dress with my money,
And then pull of to the side.
When the cashier said, "NEXT"
Then Miss M would step up
And pay for HER item with HER money.
I think she repeated the plan to me at least 4 times.
It went all exactly as planned.
(I had warned her about the "tax" and predicted she'd probably need to have $5.50 ready to pay.)
The total was $5.43.
She got out her five dollar bills.
She picked her two quarters off the ground after they fell out of her cat purse.
She waited for her change.
She was beaming.
She said she wanted her receipt in the bag.
She took her bag.
She said thank you.
(I loved that the cashier was smiling with wisdom the entire time, but was perceptive and treated her like a full-fledged customer the entire time.)
Then she ran over to me and said,
"That was SO cool!"
"I feel just like an adult!"
"I've never paid for anything with my own money before!"
Miss M literally bounced to the car.
She didn't stop -
Smiling at her bag
Talking about her experience
Reviewing her choices
Comparing herself to the girl in Tangled again
(Best Day Ever!!!)
Making plans for how to play with them when she got home
Recounting her left over money
- All the way home.
Praise Report:
*Miss M had a good visit with her mom and had a good transitional time with me following the visit as well.
Prayer Request:
-I'm not sure how to help Miss M make true, healthy, authentic attachments. It's a huge issue and effects us everyday, everywhere. Today she met a girl while playing at McDonald's during her mom visit. She came home and told me she made a new best friend. She was at church tonight. A girl showed up wearing a shirt that she has. She said that that girl is her new best friend. I asked her what they talked about, what her name was, she said "Well, she's my best friend because I have the same shirt and we sat by each other." She wanted to invite the young lady I rear-ended yesterday over for dinner after we exchanged information. Thursday night at dinner I saw an administrator from another school with his two kids, we said hi to each other, and then Miss M sulked for almost five minutes when I told her no, we were not inviting them to sit with us and no she could not have the little girl over for a play date. I don't know what to say to her in these situations. I know she is begging for a place to belong - but I don't know how to help her develop those in a healthy, strong, normal way.
It hasn't ever been.
I was the kid who if I had a dollar
I had to spend a dollar.
I would babysit and then spend it.
On little things.
Random things.
Temporary things.
My sister, on the other hand, horded her money.
Never could figure out why.
How.
We won't even start talking about the credit card I got when I started college.
Sigh.
Anyway -
I have always said that I want to be sure to instill in my children money management techniques.
Early on.
Miss M can earn up to $3 a week for allowance.
We are working on concepts of spending, saving, and sharing (aka giving)
10% giving.
And about 50% spending
And 40% saving.
I do know there are great programs out there,
But we are just doing it our way to start.The math gets a little too confusing for me when working with just $3ish dollars a week.
I'm still working on how to separate it each week without having to give her a bunch of change.
We're in the learning process.
Anyway -
Saturday night is Girls' Night Out.
Dinner out.
Allowance passed out.
After Miss M counted up her money tonight
After 3 weeks of allowance earning
She had $9.50.
(She got an extra dollar in the mail from my mom.)
After dinner, we stopped quick into Ross.
I told her I needed to look for a dress for myself in a different size.
But...actually....
I had been there earlier in the day during her visit and scoped out some reasonably priced toys.
I didn't say a word to her
But we eventually made it to the toys.
Her eyes lit up.
She started dreaming.
After a few moments she put two and two together that she could spend her OWN money.
The deliberation was intense.
Some items had to be reconsidered due to the guidelines of sharing, spending, and saving.
Then the choices were narrowed to three.
This was the final choice.
Miss M set up the plan.
I would stand in line first.
She would stand behind me.
I would pay for my dress with my money,
And then pull of to the side.
When the cashier said, "NEXT"
Then Miss M would step up
And pay for HER item with HER money.
I think she repeated the plan to me at least 4 times.
It went all exactly as planned.
(I had warned her about the "tax" and predicted she'd probably need to have $5.50 ready to pay.)
The total was $5.43.
She got out her five dollar bills.
She picked her two quarters off the ground after they fell out of her cat purse.
She waited for her change.
She was beaming.
She said she wanted her receipt in the bag.
She took her bag.
She said thank you.
(I loved that the cashier was smiling with wisdom the entire time, but was perceptive and treated her like a full-fledged customer the entire time.)
Then she ran over to me and said,
"That was SO cool!"
"I feel just like an adult!"
"I've never paid for anything with my own money before!"
Miss M literally bounced to the car.
She didn't stop -
Smiling at her bag
Talking about her experience
Reviewing her choices
Comparing herself to the girl in Tangled again
(Best Day Ever!!!)
Making plans for how to play with them when she got home
Recounting her left over money
- All the way home.
Praise Report:
*Miss M had a good visit with her mom and had a good transitional time with me following the visit as well.
Prayer Request:
-I'm not sure how to help Miss M make true, healthy, authentic attachments. It's a huge issue and effects us everyday, everywhere. Today she met a girl while playing at McDonald's during her mom visit. She came home and told me she made a new best friend. She was at church tonight. A girl showed up wearing a shirt that she has. She said that that girl is her new best friend. I asked her what they talked about, what her name was, she said "Well, she's my best friend because I have the same shirt and we sat by each other." She wanted to invite the young lady I rear-ended yesterday over for dinner after we exchanged information. Thursday night at dinner I saw an administrator from another school with his two kids, we said hi to each other, and then Miss M sulked for almost five minutes when I told her no, we were not inviting them to sit with us and no she could not have the little girl over for a play date. I don't know what to say to her in these situations. I know she is begging for a place to belong - but I don't know how to help her develop those in a healthy, strong, normal way.
Friday, August 17, 2012
The Car Rides
So this morning I walked out of the bathroom with my hair back in a short, stubby ponytail.
Guess who decided her headband hair-do wasn't going to cut it for today?
Guess who spent 10 minutes trying to slick up too short hair into two pigtails?
We were already running late.
(But she sure did look extra cute!)
Then we started down the one road that we drive to school.
Light
after
light
after
light.
And we were even later.
I started worrying about having her tardy for school.
And then the car in me suddenly decided they didn't want to run the yellow light...
And then slammed on their breaks.
And I slammed on my breaks.
And I rear-ended them.
First time I have ever had that happen.
We were in the middle lane.
There was no way to avoid anything but their back bumper.
The impact wasn't great.
The sound of the tires was yucky.
Miss M's reaction?
"Did we just hit something?"
We were both perfectly fine.
No airbags deployed.
The light was now red.
I got out and approached the car in front of me that I hit.
She was crying.
Big time.
Panic.
She was fine.
Just startled.
We were fine.
Both cars looked fine.
The light turned green.
We pulled off into the strip mall.
We talked.
We took pictures of all the paperwork, cards, etc and exchanged info.
We decided to not call the police.
(No damage and she couldn't find her insurance card.)
We hugged.
She hugged me some more.
It was her first accident ever.
She was young and new in town.
She was afraid I was going to come out cussing and nasty.
I was just glad we were all safe.
At one point, Miss M rolls down the window and says,
"Are you guys going to be friends now?"
"Can she come over for dinner?"
(We have to seriously work on her unhealthy,
too-quick-to-attach-to-anyone-who-smiles-her-way attachment issues.)
Miss M was tardy.
I'm sure the whole school knows about the incident.
My pride will survive.
On the way home, I was looking forward to no car drama.
Unfortunately, an eight-year-old in my life had a meltdown.
Tears
Sobbing
Humphing
Groaning
All the way home.
(I refused to turn around and go back for an art project she left at after school care.)
We got home.
She sat on the couch.
I warmed up her dinner.
I hear from the living room,
"Mommy, am I grounded?"
"Well, at my house I call it restricted.
No TV or electronics tonight."
"Okay."
And that was that.
It's been a quiet Friday night here with the M&M's.
Praise Reports:
*Thankful for God's protection this morning. No injuries, no car damage.
*Thankful the arrangements for Miss M's visit with her mom and siblings was finalized today and happening tomorrow.
Prayer Requests:
-That I have patience as Miss M and I continue to adjust and learn to live with each other and set expectations, rewards, and consequences.
Guess who decided her headband hair-do wasn't going to cut it for today?
Guess who spent 10 minutes trying to slick up too short hair into two pigtails?
We were already running late.
(But she sure did look extra cute!)
Then we started down the one road that we drive to school.
Light
after
light
after
light.
And we were even later.
I started worrying about having her tardy for school.
And then the car in me suddenly decided they didn't want to run the yellow light...
And then slammed on their breaks.
And I slammed on my breaks.
And I rear-ended them.
First time I have ever had that happen.
We were in the middle lane.
There was no way to avoid anything but their back bumper.
The impact wasn't great.
The sound of the tires was yucky.
Miss M's reaction?
"Did we just hit something?"
We were both perfectly fine.
No airbags deployed.
The light was now red.
I got out and approached the car in front of me that I hit.
She was crying.
Big time.
Panic.
She was fine.
Just startled.
We were fine.
Both cars looked fine.
The light turned green.
We pulled off into the strip mall.
We talked.
We took pictures of all the paperwork, cards, etc and exchanged info.
We decided to not call the police.
(No damage and she couldn't find her insurance card.)
We hugged.
She hugged me some more.
It was her first accident ever.
She was young and new in town.
She was afraid I was going to come out cussing and nasty.
I was just glad we were all safe.
At one point, Miss M rolls down the window and says,
"Are you guys going to be friends now?"
"Can she come over for dinner?"
(We have to seriously work on her unhealthy,
too-quick-to-attach-to-anyone-who-smiles-her-way attachment issues.)
Miss M was tardy.
I'm sure the whole school knows about the incident.
My pride will survive.
On the way home, I was looking forward to no car drama.
Unfortunately, an eight-year-old in my life had a meltdown.
Tears
Sobbing
Humphing
Groaning
All the way home.
(I refused to turn around and go back for an art project she left at after school care.)
We got home.
She sat on the couch.
I warmed up her dinner.
I hear from the living room,
"Mommy, am I grounded?"
"Well, at my house I call it restricted.
No TV or electronics tonight."
"Okay."
And that was that.
It's been a quiet Friday night here with the M&M's.
Praise Reports:
*Thankful for God's protection this morning. No injuries, no car damage.
*Thankful the arrangements for Miss M's visit with her mom and siblings was finalized today and happening tomorrow.
Prayer Requests:
-That I have patience as Miss M and I continue to adjust and learn to live with each other and set expectations, rewards, and consequences.
Thursday, August 16, 2012
Every day Randomness
Randomness 1:
Every day when we get to the church just around the corner from the house,
Miss M yells "We're Home!"
And I jump.
(I startle easy.)
Randomness 2:
Tonight after Miss M got out of the shower
Miss M started singing at the top of her lungs.
And I mean on the top.
We were running late,
But I hated to interrupt her boisterous version of "Everybody Dance Now."
(Which included the bomp, bomp-bomp, bomp, bomp part.)
Finally when she moved on to a new song
- one with lyrics I was not familiar with -
I yelled from the living room,
"Sunshine, I love you and I love your singing -
But you have to get dressed and get out here and finish your homework."
She replied with "Sorry!"
And the singing stopped.
When she came out a minute later,
She said "sorry"
Again.
And I replied,
"There's nothing to apologize for -
As long as you were using a hairbrush as a microphone while you were singing in there!"
Wide eyes gaped at me
"HOW DID YOU KNOW????"
"Because I did the same thing when I was little...
Just not as loud."
Then she proceeded to demonstrate to me her hairbrush singing techniques.
And...
just to brag.
She's good.
At both the singing
And the dancing.
Randomness 3:
The past three mornings in a row we've had a "struggle" about wearing her sweatshirt to school.
She sleeps all night without a single blanket on
And then is suddenly she's cold when she gets dressed for the day.
And the complaining starts.
Then when she leaves the house, she wants to put on a sweatshirt.
It's Arizona!
I'm not sending her to school with a sweatshirt we'll never see again.
It's a flipping 115 + degrees around here this week.
Sigh.
Randomness 4:
Miss M tells me she doesn't like potatoes.
But...
She told me she does like...
Mashed Potatoes
The ones with the skin that you cut in half and then eat
(aka Baked Potatoes)
French Fries
Hash Brown Patties
Cubed Hash Browns
Shredded Hash Browns
So...
Now I'm curious as to what potatoes she doesn't like.
Randomness 5:
Miss M calls me Mommy or Mom.
I only refer to myself as "Mommy" when I write her a note and sign it "Mommy Maryann"
I enjoyed being "a mom" and "a mom figure" to Miss M, but I don't consider myself to be "her mom."
Not in any way, shape, or form.
That title is for Miss M's mom.
However,
I do call her my daughter.
The term "foster" daughter just doesn't feel right.
I do think of myself as her parent.
I've never thought of the meaning of those words
the power of those words
the strength of those words
the responsibility of those words
the love of those words
Like I have since July 31st.
Randomness 6:
When I was a kid there was a railroad bridge
(aka overpass)
We called the "Wheezy-Wheezy-Wee Bridge"
Because when you went over it at a great speed
(No doubt faster than what the speed limit actually was)
Your stomach would fly up and then down.
It was like a mini roller coaster ride!
(All of my friends' families had different names for it in Bay City.
The Whoop-de-do Bridge.
The Flip-Flop Bridge.
The Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee Bridge.
The Sunny-Side Up Bridge
Are a few that I remember.)
We used to BEG to go over it.
It was always out of the way,
But sometimes my dad, or mom, pacified us
Or surprised us.
When I turned 16
(and was allowed to drive myself across town,
alone
for the first time)
I immediately headed to the Wheezy-Wheezy-Wee Bridge.
Now...on to how that randomness ties into my new foster-mother randomness accounts...
There is a railroad track on the road I take to and from school
And every day I've taken it since I've bought my house,
I've had found memories of my childhood when I can get going fast enough
And make my stomach flip a bit.
(It can't EVER top the Wheezy-Wheezy-Wee Bridge
But - it's as close as I'll ever get again, probably.)
Now Miss M begs every day to go over it.
If we pull up to the house without going over it
Disappointment ensues.
If she's busy and doesn't see it coming
Enthusiasm and squeals ensue.
If she sees it coming but sees that I can't get going fast enough
(too much traffic...or the cop...)
She groans and complains.
And now I find myself getting disappointed if I can't go home by way of the
Wheezy-Wheezy-Wee Bump
with my daughter.
Praise Reports:
During Roses and Thorns tonight,
One of Miss M's roses was that she had worked on her attitude today and had done better.
I asked her what she meant.
"Didn't you notice?"
"Well, yes I did - but I wanted you to give me a specific example or two when you really thought it through."
And she did.
And she was right.
And I noticed.
And I was proud.
Prayer Request:
We still don't have Miss M's visit with her mom and siblings arranged for Saturday yet and I really want her to have this. She needs it and I need it.
Every day when we get to the church just around the corner from the house,
Miss M yells "We're Home!"
And I jump.
(I startle easy.)
Randomness 2:
Tonight after Miss M got out of the shower
Miss M started singing at the top of her lungs.
And I mean on the top.
We were running late,
But I hated to interrupt her boisterous version of "Everybody Dance Now."
(Which included the bomp, bomp-bomp, bomp, bomp part.)
Finally when she moved on to a new song
- one with lyrics I was not familiar with -
I yelled from the living room,
"Sunshine, I love you and I love your singing -
But you have to get dressed and get out here and finish your homework."
She replied with "Sorry!"
And the singing stopped.
When she came out a minute later,
She said "sorry"
Again.
And I replied,
"There's nothing to apologize for -
As long as you were using a hairbrush as a microphone while you were singing in there!"
Wide eyes gaped at me
"HOW DID YOU KNOW????"
"Because I did the same thing when I was little...
Just not as loud."
Then she proceeded to demonstrate to me her hairbrush singing techniques.
And...
just to brag.
She's good.
At both the singing
And the dancing.
The past three mornings in a row we've had a "struggle" about wearing her sweatshirt to school.
She sleeps all night without a single blanket on
And then is suddenly she's cold when she gets dressed for the day.
And the complaining starts.
Then when she leaves the house, she wants to put on a sweatshirt.
It's Arizona!
I'm not sending her to school with a sweatshirt we'll never see again.
It's a flipping 115 + degrees around here this week.
Sigh.
Randomness 4:
Miss M tells me she doesn't like potatoes.
But...
She told me she does like...
Mashed Potatoes
The ones with the skin that you cut in half and then eat
(aka Baked Potatoes)
French Fries
Hash Brown Patties
Cubed Hash Browns
Shredded Hash Browns
So...
Now I'm curious as to what potatoes she doesn't like.
Randomness 5:
Miss M calls me Mommy or Mom.
I only refer to myself as "Mommy" when I write her a note and sign it "Mommy Maryann"
I enjoyed being "a mom" and "a mom figure" to Miss M, but I don't consider myself to be "her mom."
Not in any way, shape, or form.
That title is for Miss M's mom.
However,
I do call her my daughter.
The term "foster" daughter just doesn't feel right.
I do think of myself as her parent.
I've never thought of the meaning of those words
the power of those words
the strength of those words
the responsibility of those words
the love of those words
Like I have since July 31st.
Randomness 6:
When I was a kid there was a railroad bridge
(aka overpass)
We called the "Wheezy-Wheezy-Wee Bridge"
Because when you went over it at a great speed
(No doubt faster than what the speed limit actually was)
Your stomach would fly up and then down.
It was like a mini roller coaster ride!
(All of my friends' families had different names for it in Bay City.
The Whoop-de-do Bridge.
The Flip-Flop Bridge.
The Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee Bridge.
The Sunny-Side Up Bridge
Are a few that I remember.)
We used to BEG to go over it.
It was always out of the way,
But sometimes my dad, or mom, pacified us
Or surprised us.
When I turned 16
(and was allowed to drive myself across town,
alone
for the first time)
I immediately headed to the Wheezy-Wheezy-Wee Bridge.
Now...on to how that randomness ties into my new foster-mother randomness accounts...
There is a railroad track on the road I take to and from school
And every day I've taken it since I've bought my house,
I've had found memories of my childhood when I can get going fast enough
And make my stomach flip a bit.
(It can't EVER top the Wheezy-Wheezy-Wee Bridge
But - it's as close as I'll ever get again, probably.)
Now Miss M begs every day to go over it.
If we pull up to the house without going over it
Disappointment ensues.
If she's busy and doesn't see it coming
Enthusiasm and squeals ensue.
If she sees it coming but sees that I can't get going fast enough
(too much traffic...or the cop...)
She groans and complains.
And now I find myself getting disappointed if I can't go home by way of the
Wheezy-Wheezy-Wee Bump
with my daughter.
Praise Reports:
During Roses and Thorns tonight,
One of Miss M's roses was that she had worked on her attitude today and had done better.
I asked her what she meant.
"Didn't you notice?"
"Well, yes I did - but I wanted you to give me a specific example or two when you really thought it through."
And she did.
And she was right.
And I noticed.
And I was proud.
Prayer Request:
We still don't have Miss M's visit with her mom and siblings arranged for Saturday yet and I really want her to have this. She needs it and I need it.
Wednesday, August 15, 2012
A meltdown
Tonight was Remix.
Remix is a monthly family worship experience for K - 3rd graders at my church.
Miss M was so excited to go.
I was too...until a long day.
But we went.
I went in with some concerns.
Not about the experience itself, but about the timing.
It was supposed to start at 7.
We live about 15-20 minutes away from church.
Miss M and I start her bedroom routine at 7:30 every night.
Lights are out by 8:00 - 8:15.
I didn't know how long it was planned to last.
I didn't know what was exactly going to happen.
I packed Miss M her bedtime snack for the ride home.
We packed her book to read to me on the ride home.
She knew when we got home it would be straight to bed.
The plan was set.
They started 10 minutes late.
It lasted almost an hour.
Miss M loved it.
I loved it.
But I could see Miss M fading fast.
She spent the last 15 minutes of the evening on my lap with her head leaning back on my shoulder.
Then...
As I think we are being dismissed...
They announce the scavenger hunt with prizes to follow.
Yes.
A scavenger hunt.
Miss M immediately looked up at me
and the pleading
and the begging
and the whining
and the puppy dog eyes began.
I said I didn't think it was going to work.
It was already after 8 pm.
Then the pouting
and the arms crossing
and the attitude joined in with those things above.
She wouldn't hold my hand as we walked out of the worship center.
We got the pieces to go play the scavenger hunt -
because they were handing them out at the door -
but we went to the car.
We stopped on the way.
We needed to talk.
Okay...I needed to talk.
I couldn't handle the stomping.
I couldn't handle the arms crossed.
I explained that her behavior choices of the above mentioned sealed the deal
and thus we were leaving
and not playing the scavenger hunt game.
Then the sobbing started.
And I mean sobbing.
It went on for over 10 minutes.
Loud.
Harsh.
Painful.
Real.
Do I give in?
Do I talk?
Do I let her just get it out?
Do I stop and hold her?
Do I say enough is enough?
I handed her kleenex.
And prayed.
A simple prayer.
A pleading prayer.
I don't remember what it was.
A survival, stay-strong, love her prayer.
And at some point down the road,
just like that,
she stopped.
She got out her book
switched on the back seat light
and read the rest of the way home.
I handed her her snack.
She said thank you.
We got home.
She held my hand on the way into the house.
She immediately got dressed
brushed her teeth
combed her hair.
We tucked her in.
We played roses and thorns.
I brought it up.
I couldn't let her go to bed worrying
wondering
upset.
"Are you ready to talk about what happened at Remix?"
"Mommy, I've never cried like that before."
"Well, why do you think you did tonight?"
"Because I was mad, and tired, and well - also because of all this stuff with my mom. I don't cry very much. I think I was crying about everything tonight."
"I don't either. Sometimes a little thing will make me cry and I just have to have a good cry about all kinds of stuff I should have cried about before."
"That's another way we are alike, Mommy."
"Yes, Sunshine. And just so you know you can cry, pout, stomp, whatever as much as you want, need, or do and I'm still going to love you and I'm not giving you up until your Mommy is 100% ready for you to come and live with her again. I love you no matter what. Okay?"
"That's what Olivia's mom said to her!"
"What?"
"Olivia the pig. The book I was reading in the car. Olivia's mom tucked her and said 'you wore me out today, but I still love you'."
"Very cool."
I noticed her eyes were getting teary again.
"Do you need to cry it out some more?"
"No. These are tears of joy."
I kissed her forehead.
"I love you, Sunshine."
Then I finished tucking her in and we said our prayers.
Five minutes later she was sound asleep.
I'm exhausted,.
I'm spent.
I'm weary.
But -
I'm blessed.
I'm protected.
I'm loved.
And so is Miss M.
*******************************************************************************
Praise Report -
- Miss M released some emotions tonight - the good, bad, and ugly. Praise God.
- Remix was a great worship experience for the two of us.
Prayer Request -
- I have two nights next week that I have meetings or trainings until 7:30. This means long days apart from Miss M, needing to find friends/family to care for her after day care closes, and juggling her around more than I like.
Remix is a monthly family worship experience for K - 3rd graders at my church.
Miss M was so excited to go.
I was too...until a long day.
But we went.
I went in with some concerns.
Not about the experience itself, but about the timing.
It was supposed to start at 7.
We live about 15-20 minutes away from church.
Miss M and I start her bedroom routine at 7:30 every night.
Lights are out by 8:00 - 8:15.
I didn't know how long it was planned to last.
I didn't know what was exactly going to happen.
I packed Miss M her bedtime snack for the ride home.
We packed her book to read to me on the ride home.
She knew when we got home it would be straight to bed.
The plan was set.
They started 10 minutes late.
It lasted almost an hour.
Miss M loved it.
I loved it.
But I could see Miss M fading fast.
She spent the last 15 minutes of the evening on my lap with her head leaning back on my shoulder.
Then...
As I think we are being dismissed...
They announce the scavenger hunt with prizes to follow.
Yes.
A scavenger hunt.
Miss M immediately looked up at me
and the pleading
and the begging
and the whining
and the puppy dog eyes began.
I said I didn't think it was going to work.
It was already after 8 pm.
Then the pouting
and the arms crossing
and the attitude joined in with those things above.
She wouldn't hold my hand as we walked out of the worship center.
We got the pieces to go play the scavenger hunt -
because they were handing them out at the door -
but we went to the car.
We stopped on the way.
We needed to talk.
Okay...I needed to talk.
I couldn't handle the stomping.
I couldn't handle the arms crossed.
I explained that her behavior choices of the above mentioned sealed the deal
and thus we were leaving
and not playing the scavenger hunt game.
Then the sobbing started.
And I mean sobbing.
It went on for over 10 minutes.
Loud.
Harsh.
Painful.
Real.
Do I give in?
Do I talk?
Do I let her just get it out?
Do I stop and hold her?
Do I say enough is enough?
I handed her kleenex.
And prayed.
A simple prayer.
A pleading prayer.
I don't remember what it was.
A survival, stay-strong, love her prayer.
And at some point down the road,
just like that,
she stopped.
She got out her book
switched on the back seat light
and read the rest of the way home.
I handed her her snack.
She said thank you.
We got home.
She held my hand on the way into the house.
She immediately got dressed
brushed her teeth
combed her hair.
We tucked her in.
We played roses and thorns.
I brought it up.
I couldn't let her go to bed worrying
wondering
upset.
"Are you ready to talk about what happened at Remix?"
"Mommy, I've never cried like that before."
"Well, why do you think you did tonight?"
"Because I was mad, and tired, and well - also because of all this stuff with my mom. I don't cry very much. I think I was crying about everything tonight."
"I don't either. Sometimes a little thing will make me cry and I just have to have a good cry about all kinds of stuff I should have cried about before."
"That's another way we are alike, Mommy."
"Yes, Sunshine. And just so you know you can cry, pout, stomp, whatever as much as you want, need, or do and I'm still going to love you and I'm not giving you up until your Mommy is 100% ready for you to come and live with her again. I love you no matter what. Okay?"
"That's what Olivia's mom said to her!"
"What?"
"Olivia the pig. The book I was reading in the car. Olivia's mom tucked her and said 'you wore me out today, but I still love you'."
"Very cool."
I noticed her eyes were getting teary again.
"Do you need to cry it out some more?"
"No. These are tears of joy."
I kissed her forehead.
"I love you, Sunshine."
Then I finished tucking her in and we said our prayers.
Five minutes later she was sound asleep.
I'm exhausted,.
I'm spent.
I'm weary.
But -
I'm blessed.
I'm protected.
I'm loved.
And so is Miss M.
*******************************************************************************
Praise Report -
- Miss M released some emotions tonight - the good, bad, and ugly. Praise God.
- Remix was a great worship experience for the two of us.
Prayer Request -
- I have two nights next week that I have meetings or trainings until 7:30. This means long days apart from Miss M, needing to find friends/family to care for her after day care closes, and juggling her around more than I like.
Tuesday, August 14, 2012
Until 14 days ago...
 |
| I bought this several years back to use when I taught Sunday School. I held on to it praying that one day I would have children in my home to use it with...and until 14 days ago it just held a place on the book shelf. And now we read it every night. Miss M loves it and always wants to read me. It melts my heart how she watches me read instead of looking at the illustrations. (Okay...it also freaks me out a bit...but I'm getting used to it.) |
 |
| After learning how to make a queso dip from a friend, I ran over to Meijer's one night in Michigan many years back to purchase my first crockpot. Until 14 days go (okay, well - this week) it's never cooked another thing expect that queso. Turns out it is a useful little gadget in this Arizona heat! We love the smell of dinner being ready when we walk in the door. |
 |
| I used my iPod touch a ton during my trip to Greece, Turkey, and Egypt last summer - but it's just been hanging out by my computer mostly since then...until 14 days ago. Now a certain little 8 year old loves to pick play lists of "God songs", play some games, and pretend it is her cell phone. |
 |
| My parents purchased this for me a year or two ago after visiting and hating to have to sit at the horrible card table or uncomfortable high bar stools. It literally has collected dust since that point unless they are in town...until 14 days ago. Now it is the breakfast table, dinner table, homework table, goal setting table, calendar review table, board game table, and more. |
 |
| Until 14 days ago (well, last May) this was something that held paper in my classroom. Now it is Miss M's toy box, play dough holder, homework materials, and art supply case. And it now lives in my living room and I love seeing it there every day. |
 | |
| These beds replaced the king size guest bed about two months ago and then sat unused and made me lonely as I walked past. I finally started shutting the door during the waiting process. Until 14 days ago when I opened the door to a excited/nervous/curious little eight year old. Now the door is always open, the bed is always unmade, and the table lamp is always on for a little girl who is a afraid of the dark. And I couldn't be more content. |
 | ||
| Miss M received mail today! This book came from my dear Fulbright-Hay friend, Katie, all the way in Massachusetts! Miss M was thrilled and we read it through twice tonight already. What a precious allegorical story demonstrating God's love for us all. A tear-jerker. Thank you, Katie!!! |
Prayer Requests:
- Miss M is starting to show a flair for "the drama" and I don't love drama so much. Pray that I have strength, wisdom, patience, and words to help her calm down and reevaluate.
Monday, August 13, 2012
The CFT
I learned a lot more about Miss M's mom, her other placements, her siblings, and the amazing amount of hurt, neglect, and struggles she's been through during her 8 years.
Heart-breaking.
I learned how hard mom is working toward being reunified with her children - working to get herself healthy, fit, and stable for her babies.
Heart-warming.
My on-going casework showed up a bit late but she made a point to come out and join me at the meeting to be a support because 1) she knew it was my first meeting of this kind and 2) she knew the communication for Miss M's case hasn't been stellar. She stayed afterwards and talked with me and encouraged me.
I shared how Miss M has been doing with me, how we've been doing together, and we made some goals for her and started paperwork for referral for counseling support.
Heart-hoping.
The support agency asked me what days and times worked the best, would I be willing to drive her up to the meetings (30+ minutes away), and then informed me that she would be put on the waiting list to begin services. A waiting list of 2-3 months until any support would start. 2-3 months! Unbelievable.
Heart-wrenching.
We discussed the possibility of having Miss M's older sister come and live with us once Miss M gets settled and shows signs of healing and growth - and the time is right for us all. But we all agreed, now, this month, next month, isn't going to be the time.
Heart-aching.
I was able to share with Miss M today that she and I are the M&M twins until it is the perfect timing for her to go back with her mommy and that news was one of Miss M's roses tonight. (Oh...and that she liked my BBQ pork sandwiches!)
Praise Reports:
- I felt your prayers as I went into the meeting. I was calm and not anxious. Thank you.
- Miss M ended up loving the BBQ pork sandwiches I made for dinner tonight after a drama incident about having them for dinner. She's requested we eat them once a week.
- Miss M LIKES doing homework!
- That IF it is the Lord's will and WHEN Miss M is ready, the second bed in my house can be for Miss M's older sister, Miss O.
- That I will wait patiently on the Lord's leading for timing of Miss O and Miss M living together again because in my head and my heart see the benefits of it being yesterday and then again waiting for a few months.
Sunday, August 12, 2012
The Scowl-Pout Face
I am becoming familiar with it.
Too familiar with it.
Not my favorite face.
It appears when I say -
-Time to go.
-Wash your face.
-Did you wash your hands?
-Is that where your shoes go?
-Time for dinner, turn off the TV.
-Did you flush the toilet?
-It's 5:00 am and it's too early to be up.
-Back in the shower, there is no way you washed your hair and body that fast.
-Could you walk a little faster?
-No.
-Not now.
-Not this time.
Yeah - so it basically shows up when she doesn't get her way.
Lovely.
I then follow up with "the look" and repeating the statement/request/question.
Usually,
(so far)
it tends to fade and we move on.
But...
more and more
it is coming
appearing
rearing its ugly head
and then I have to be
THE MOM.
Sigh.
I love it...
being "Mommy".
The laughing.
The playing.
The giving.
The providing.
But there is a flip-side
(which I knew about/know about)
being " The Mom"
but it's hard.
The loving consistency.
The loving follow-through.
The loving care.
The voice of reason.
And...tonight I am tired.
We met a lot of people.
We went a lot of places today.
Miss M did fine really.
But I -
on the other hand -
I was on edge.
What will she say?
How will she react?
How can I help?
How can I prepare her?
How can I help her begin to attach in a healthy way?
How much is too much?
Is she happy?
Is she making good choices?
Is her conversation appropriate?
It was weird.
I hadn't been that way before.
Not sure why I was today.
I felt like I am on hyper-watch.
Part of it is due to the meeting tomorrow.
Part of it is I want to help her all I kind.
Part of it is -
Well, who knows.
That's just the way it was today.
So there.
Another day of realism.
Praise Reports:
Too familiar with it.
Not my favorite face.
It appears when I say -
-Time to go.
-Wash your face.
-Did you wash your hands?
-Is that where your shoes go?
-Time for dinner, turn off the TV.
-Did you flush the toilet?
-It's 5:00 am and it's too early to be up.
-Back in the shower, there is no way you washed your hair and body that fast.
-Could you walk a little faster?
-No.
-Not now.
-Not this time.
Yeah - so it basically shows up when she doesn't get her way.
Lovely.
I then follow up with "the look" and repeating the statement/request/question.
Usually,
(so far)
it tends to fade and we move on.
But...
more and more
it is coming
appearing
rearing its ugly head
and then I have to be
THE MOM.
Sigh.
I love it...
being "Mommy".
The laughing.
The playing.
The giving.
The providing.
But there is a flip-side
(which I knew about/know about)
being " The Mom"
but it's hard.
The loving consistency.
The loving follow-through.
The loving care.
The voice of reason.
And...tonight I am tired.
We met a lot of people.
We went a lot of places today.
Miss M did fine really.
But I -
on the other hand -
I was on edge.
What will she say?
How will she react?
How can I help?
How can I prepare her?
How can I help her begin to attach in a healthy way?
How much is too much?
Is she happy?
Is she making good choices?
Is her conversation appropriate?
It was weird.
I hadn't been that way before.
Not sure why I was today.
I felt like I am on hyper-watch.
Part of it is due to the meeting tomorrow.
Part of it is I want to help her all I kind.
Part of it is -
Well, who knows.
That's just the way it was today.
So there.
Another day of realism.
Praise Reports:
- Miss M met my entire AZ family and I got to have a chat session with my aunt. I needed it.
- Tomorrow is the CFT. I feel totally unprepared for whatever is going to happen, be talked about, or be decided.
- This sounds weird - but I need to cry - and in an appropriate place. (Like my bedroom alone, not in front of the meeting tomorrow.) I'm not a crier. It's weird and kind of annoying - but I've always been like this. I can feel it building and building and I know from experience that it means at some point, when I least expect it, the tears will come. I need to have that emotional release and just keep moving on. There is nothing major, there's just been a lot going on and a lot of changes and it's just time to release and keep pressing forward.
Saturday, August 11, 2012
Making plans, establishing routines
I'm a person who likes consistency.
I'm type A.
(That's like a big "duh" to anyone who truly knows me.)
As a fifth grade teacher for 12 years I saw first hand how being consistent, keeping a schedule, and preparing students for upcoming changes helps them succeed. I believe (and have seen the proof) that kids can be more flexible when they know what to expect on a regular basis because then when a change needs to happen or just happens it feels safe to them.
The M&M's gotcha day was July 31st and tonight marks our twelfth day together.
In some ways it feels like it's been months already, and in others - not so much.
Miss M loves to plan out our days the night before and talk through what we "expect"/"plan" to happen. We pick out the cereal the night before, we lay out her clothes, we pack her lunch. We discuss about what time I think I'll be there to pick her up from after school care. We make a plan about what we might want to do after we get home before bed that night.
Usually I spend this time of year setting up new routines in my classroom...
From how to behave to where to find the lined paper to when you are allowed to sharpen your pencil.
Not this year.
This year, it mean setting up and practicing routines in the house.
Routines for an 8 year old - to keep the surprises to a minimum.
(Heaven knows she's had the rug pulled out from under her too many times in her 8 years.)
It is my job to give her be in a stable, consistent, safe place
for as long as the Lord wants her to be in my care.
Weekend morning routine:
Stay in bed until 7am. Close my bedroom door. Play with toys and watch TV to channel tuned in to. If I'm not up by 9am - come and wake me up. Weekend breakfast choices are eggs, pancakes, waffles, or french toast.
Nighttime routine:
Put on pjs, read chapter book, read Bible. Brush teeth, play roses and thorns, and pray. Ten minutes of independent reading and then tucking in to sleep.
Car routine:
Get in the car, buckle up, talk, and maybe use the iPod depending on how far we are traveling.
Mommy Visit routine:
Pack your toy bag. Pack two or three snacks. Get your mommy journal from me and make sure to switch it out with last weeks' journal with your mom.
School Morning routine:
Get up, eat breakfast, rinse dishes, put dishes in dishwasher, get dressed, do hair, brush teeth. Pack lunch into backpack and check for red folder. Weekday breakfast choices include cereal with yogurt or toast.
Saturday Night routine:
End Zone at church (play room for volunteers' kids), Mission Kids class, and then dinner date and allowance distribution.
There are more:
-Dirty clothes routine
-Shower routine
-Pick up from school routine
-Shopping routine
-Dinner routine
-Drop off to school routine
-Laundry routine
-Toy clean up routine
-Etc, etc, etc.
Good thing I like routines. :-)
Good thing she is responding well to the routines. :-)
Praise Reports:
Prayer Requests:
I'm type A.
(That's like a big "duh" to anyone who truly knows me.)
As a fifth grade teacher for 12 years I saw first hand how being consistent, keeping a schedule, and preparing students for upcoming changes helps them succeed. I believe (and have seen the proof) that kids can be more flexible when they know what to expect on a regular basis because then when a change needs to happen or just happens it feels safe to them.
The M&M's gotcha day was July 31st and tonight marks our twelfth day together.
In some ways it feels like it's been months already, and in others - not so much.
Miss M loves to plan out our days the night before and talk through what we "expect"/"plan" to happen. We pick out the cereal the night before, we lay out her clothes, we pack her lunch. We discuss about what time I think I'll be there to pick her up from after school care. We make a plan about what we might want to do after we get home before bed that night.
Usually I spend this time of year setting up new routines in my classroom...
From how to behave to where to find the lined paper to when you are allowed to sharpen your pencil.
Not this year.
This year, it mean setting up and practicing routines in the house.
Routines for an 8 year old - to keep the surprises to a minimum.
(Heaven knows she's had the rug pulled out from under her too many times in her 8 years.)
It is my job to give her be in a stable, consistent, safe place
for as long as the Lord wants her to be in my care.
Weekend morning routine:
Stay in bed until 7am. Close my bedroom door. Play with toys and watch TV to channel tuned in to. If I'm not up by 9am - come and wake me up. Weekend breakfast choices are eggs, pancakes, waffles, or french toast.
Nighttime routine:
Put on pjs, read chapter book, read Bible. Brush teeth, play roses and thorns, and pray. Ten minutes of independent reading and then tucking in to sleep.
Car routine:
Get in the car, buckle up, talk, and maybe use the iPod depending on how far we are traveling.
Mommy Visit routine:
Pack your toy bag. Pack two or three snacks. Get your mommy journal from me and make sure to switch it out with last weeks' journal with your mom.
School Morning routine:
Get up, eat breakfast, rinse dishes, put dishes in dishwasher, get dressed, do hair, brush teeth. Pack lunch into backpack and check for red folder. Weekday breakfast choices include cereal with yogurt or toast.
Saturday Night routine:
End Zone at church (play room for volunteers' kids), Mission Kids class, and then dinner date and allowance distribution.
There are more:
-Dirty clothes routine
-Shower routine
-Pick up from school routine
-Shopping routine
-Dinner routine
-Drop off to school routine
-Laundry routine
-Toy clean up routine
-Etc, etc, etc.
Good thing I like routines. :-)
Good thing she is responding well to the routines. :-)
Praise Reports:
- Miss M loves church and I love getting to be the storyteller at one service and be in service the next.
- I got the week's dinner menu ready today and was able to do our grocery shopping while Miss M was visiting with her mom and siblings. (Woo hoo - you know how I feel about shopping with her...or anyone for that matter!)
- Tomorrow Miss M gets to meet my Arizona relatives!
- I spent some time watching a little mindless TV this morning when Miss M was gone. The vegging out nice.
- Miss M seemed to enjoy her time with her mom and siblings.
- Miss M received this amazing cat coin purse/bag from a talented friend/parent of two of my former students. I presented it to her this evening when I gave her her weekly allowance. She said she is going to keep it forever and always think of me when she uses it. :-)
 |
| I love the zipper pulls! A mouse and a piece of cheese! So cute, so clever. |
- Tonight during roses and thorns one of Miss M's roses was that she and her sister, who is 10, talked about having her sister come and live with us. Supposedly they talked about it with their mom and parent supervisor as well. According to Miss M, the parent supervisor told her she would look into it and see what could happen - but it would probably take a month or two. Now this is something I have thought about, but as I have learned more about Miss M, I have just put that on hold and am leaving it in God's hands. Nothing may come of it - something may. Please just pray over it. I can't even go there in my mind right now - it goes too many places with too many emotions.
- Continue to pray that I have the correct words and clarity of words on Monday at 2:30 to help get Miss M the help and resources she needs to continue to grow, mature, and heal.
Friday, August 10, 2012
Nothing
Usually I have so much to write,
to report,
to share,
to unload off my mind-
-my heart.
Tonight - nada.
But it's a good nothing.
A content nothing.
A hopeful nothing.
A thankful nothing.
Praise Reports:
to report,
to share,
to unload off my mind-
-my heart.
Tonight - nada.
But it's a good nothing.
A content nothing.
A hopeful nothing.
A thankful nothing.
Praise Reports:
- We made it through the first week of school and a new job.
- Miss M is a rock-star sleeper.
- I actually did a load of laundry and immediately folded it and put it away.
- I had energy to make sure dinner 4 out of 5 nights this crazy first week of school and Miss M liked everything on the menu.
- Miss M had a week chuck full of lots of rose moments and was a happy little camper every single day.
- The CFT (Child Family Team) Meeting is at 2:30 pm on Monday. I still need to prepare questions and a game plan going in.
- Miss M's weekly visit with her mom and siblings is tomorrow. Pray that Miss M and her mom can continue to build a bond and attachment with the help of the parent supervisor's guidance and direction.
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