Reconnecting

Miss M's 10th birthday

(Remember her...

My first foster placement

Back in July 2012 - May 2013)

Was at the beginning of December

But with the issues I was experiencing with Miz N

I didn't feel the timing was right to tackle a dinner out

With my crew of three

And their family of four.

We have kept in contact via texts

And phone calls

On a monthly basis or so

But

Since taking Ms. O out for her 11th birthday in June

We haven't gotten together.

Between my craziness in fostering in the world of toddlers

And then the struggles with Miz N

And their lacking transportation

We never figured out a time to meet up...

Until this past Sunday.

We had to go to Oregano's

Had to

It was the restaurant I took Miss M to the first night she moved in with me

And it was always a special place for her

For us.

And,

Well,

We all love the pizza cookies!

In typical Miss M fashion

She came running

And screaming 

Out of the car

All dressed up in a fancy, fancy dress

Hair so long

Girly nails

And girly jewelry

And so much taller

And talking a mile a minute

And in typical Ms. O fashion

She was quiet,

Tape around the middle of her glasses to be "nerdy"

Punky shoes on that were purple

And cracking jokes to make everyone laugh.

And their mom

My friend

Was good.

Happy.

Content.

Working so hard.

Doing so well.

I am beyond proud of her.

It seriously chokes me up.

A year ago this past weekend

Miss M and Ms. O and I moved in to the Melody House

And two weeks later their mom moved into her first apartment

And her part time job moved to a full time job

And within three months

Her family was reunited.

Her kids moved back with her.

Her case with CPS was dismissed.

And is started another chapter in her journey of

Growth.

Change.

Challenge.

Moving forward.

A year later,

Miss M, Ms. O, and their brother all live with their mom.

She is still working full-time

And has moved up to a department head

And still has her apartment

And now owns a car

And is moving forward,

Making her dreams come true,

But also being patient in attaining them.

And I am so proud of her.

So proud.

The girls

And their mom

Presented me with this bracelet.

It makes me weepy when I look at it.
I can't begin to explain the emotions that well up in me
When I look at the bracelet
And I think of my nine months with the girls
And my connection with their mom throughout those nine months
And how we continue to connect even now
And how we continue to be present in each others' lives.

It's a success story.
It's a God story.
And I am humbled to have been a part of her
Of their
Journey
Because God saw fit
And God crossed our paths.

What it (Literally) Means to Foster

fos·ter (http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/foster)

verb

1.to promote the growth or development of; further; encourage: to foster new ideas.

2.to bring up, raise, or rear, as a foster child

3.to care for or cherish.

4.Obsolete . to feed or nourish.

Origin:
before 1000; Middle English; Old English fōstor  nourishment, fōstrian  to nourish;  

Synonyms
1. favor, forward, advance; foment, instigate. 2. nurse, nourish, sustain, support, maintain. 3. See cherish.

Antonyms
1. discourage.

 

fos·ter (http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/foster)

adjective

—used to describe a situation in which for a period of time a child lives with and is cared for by people who are not the child's parents

:  affording, receiving, or sharing nurture or parental care though not related by blood or legal ties

transitive verb

: to help (something) grow or develop

: to provide the care that a parent usually gives to a child : to be or become the foster parent of a child

I am proud to be a foster momma.

I am blessed to call my A-girl my foster daughter.

I am honored to call my Little Man my foster son.

I am forever connected to Miz N, Miss M, and Ms. O.

I am humbled to be called to this adventure of fostering

Fostering His children

With His provisions of strength, wisdom, and peace.

And I will foster His children

Whether that means fostering a child

For a matter of days

Or weeks

Or months

Or years.

Whether it means enduring heartache

Or pain

Or heartbreak

Or tears.

Whether it means for here and now

And then goodbye

Or it means forever more.

209 Bedtimes

Friday, July 12, 2013 to Wednesday, February 5, 2014
Equals
209 nights
6 months and 25 nights
29 weeks
That I have put my Littles down to sleep.
I have bathed them.
I have put on their pajamas.
I have prayed with them.
I have read them a bedtime Bible story.
I have snuggled with them.
I have tucked them in bed.

Tonight I almost did not get to do 209.
It wasn't anything drastic,
But for me,
It was poignant,
Because it was to be the first night
In 6 months and 24 days,
29 weeks,
208 days
That I wouldn't have been the one to tuck them in to bed.
And it hit me hard.

You see,
There was a required evening event at school
And the babysitter was to put them down
And she did
(As outlined in my note I left her.)
And I knew she was capable
(Heck, she's a mom (and foster mom) of 6!)
But all day I missed them.
But all evening I wished I could be the one there.
And
It was tugging on my heart strings that I wasn't.

So
I skipped the "team meeting" following the event
And I sped home
And
All the while I was "hoping"
They weren't asleep.

And
I admit
I was secretly touched that Little Man wouldn't lie down for her
And was still up and a little fussy
And that A-girl was sort-of moaning in her bed
And restless.
And
That's when it first hit me that no one else has put my Littles to bed
Since July 12, 2013
Except me.

And
I admit
That I held Little Man
For a long time
And
I admit
That I took A-girl out of bed
And the three of us played in A-girl's room
(Okay, closet.)
And we talked.
And we sang.
And we tickled.
And we re-prayed.
And we re-read.
And we snuggled.

And I cried
Multiple times
As I began to mourn the night
When it isn't an option for me
To tuck them in any more
Because they won't be with me
Because I won't be their foster momma anymore
And my heart broke prematurely
And my eyes filled with tears
And I ached for them as they were in my arms
And I was a blubbering mess.

And then I had to stop.
And I had to breathe.
And I had to buck it up
And remember that I believe in a God who promises
PROMISES
To love for my A-girl and my Little Man
To care for my A-girl and my Little Man
To protect my A-girl and my Little Man
To provide for my A-girl and my Little Man
More than I ever can
More than I ever will

And I have to trust in that truth
TRUTH
And I have to believe
BELIEVE
That He keeps His promises
PROMISES
And I have to enjoy the moments
The nights
The 209+ bedtimes I do get to tuck in my Littles
And thank God for that time
   Whether it is only 210 nights
   Or another 209 nights
To enjoy the privileged as it is provided
And not focus on the pain that will come
But focus on the joy of the moment.

Signs of Peace and Healing

My home

  The Littles home

     Our home

It is being restored

It is being transformed

It is finding it's new normal

And it feels right

It feels good

It feels peaceful

And I am breathing again.

And I am finding contentment in my calling again.

And I am smiling again.

And I am feeling whole again.

My Littles are thriving in the "new" house of peace.

Talking and questioning without corrections.

Singing and dancing without fear.

Laughing and chasing without worry.

Bathing and playing without interruption.

And we are just enjoying life together.

The past two weekends

Since Miz N went to her new home

We haven't gone anywhere except church. 

Pj-ing it

Emptying out every toy on to the family room floor

Spending hours messing around at the dinner table

And it is good.

It is right.

We have reclaimed our house.

Laughter and freedom has returned.

Peace is living here again.

It's actually hard to write it

To admit it

Because I feel somehow unfaithful to Miz N

Somehow unkind

But yet

It is true.
The house is sighing in relief,
As are our hearts and spirits in many ways.

I can feel it in our interactions.

I can hear it in our voices and giggles.

I can see it in the Littles lighted eyes and teasing smiles.

I am leaving work earlier 

And going to work later

And I am letting them stay up a little longer every night

Just to sneak a few more minutes together.

Bathtimes are longer and funner
And funnier.

Photo ops are begged for
And granted.

The carpet in the living room cannot be found
And I don't care.

The neighbors are probably sick of s singing in the top of our lungs
But Let It Go was meant to be screamed out in pure joy!

Signs of peace.

Signs of healing.

Thank you, God.

Praise Reports:

*Miz N is doing well at her new placement and new school.

*A-girl can sign her name in sign language.  Crazy - I know!

*Little Man is orally communicating with clarity more and more every day.

*I am moving forward and attempting to heal.

Prayer requests:

--Miz N would continue to heal and get the additional supports she needs at her new placement and that no services would be delayed as a result of the placement move.

--A-girl would show interest and a desire to be potty-trained.  She is 3 1/2 now and is definitely smart enough to be potty-trained but could totally care less.

--Little Man is almost 2 and someone, someone, somewhere showed/informed him how to scream at the top of his lungs, stick out his bottom lip, and give dirty looks on the turn of a dime.  

--While I am healing, I am also finding myself turning into more and more of a hermit as I am trying to heal - which really isn't the healthiest for me, or my Littles.  Some hard stuff going on at church isn't helping my mindset in this matter.