Christmas 2012 in Review: Traditions in the Making

As a kid,
I knew about Santa.
I knew the songs and the stories
But I don't remember ever really 'believing' in Santa.

I knew the fantasy revision of Santa,
Like Cinderella,
Or Snow White,
Or the Tooth fairy.
He wasn't played up in my house as a kid.
He was Santa,
But not the
I'm-watching-every-move-you-make-Santa
Or the
Write-him-a-note-and-he'll-get-you-what-you-want-Santa.
He was just Santa.
The guy in the books and songs.

There was still the "magic" of Christmas.
The candles in the windows.
The lights on the tree.
The family time.

Now this year,
I am a foster mom.
And I had to figure out how to capture the magic
Deal with Santa
And yet focus on the Christ in Christmas.

So...
The Santa-issue...
I am fostering two girls whose Christmases have
Revolved
(And I mean revolved)
Around Santa.
And they believe
That he flies around
Knows all
Sees all
And decides who is good
And who is bad.

This doesn't sit well with me.

I don't mind the "fantasy" Santa
But when I have a 9 year old believing in him
And giving him God-like powers
I don't know what to do with that.

The good thing is
I figured this out early on
(Like Halloween time)
And I just didn't play into it.
I didn't play it up.
I didn't play it down.
I just didn't play that card.

I sort of chickened out.
I ignored a lot of the "Santa talk."
I would switch subjects.
When I talked about Christmas,
It was about Jesus' birth
The real Christmas story
And about how we would spend time together.

I started off December by giving them their own Bibles
And then we spent most nights reading a little from Luke and Matthew
And reading through the Advent calendar
And focusing on the Christ of Christmas.

I felt good about it.
The girls seemed to be good with it.
At peace.
And I like peace.

Ms. O figured it out quick.
Whenever Miss M brought up Santa
Ms. O would say -
"Yeah, but Santa isn't a big deal at Maryann's house.
It's about Jesus' birthday here."

They knew there were gifts.
Heck -
The front porch was filled with delivery boxes
And they weren't allowed in my closed bedroom door
Except if in the dark of night with night time needs.

I thought Miss M was getting it--
Until we were just a few days from Christmas
And all of a sudden she was asking questions about
And making comments about
Leaving out cookies,
Being on his "naughty" list,
And worried he might not know why they were gone.
Talking about how he saw her being good and so she'd be getting extra, better gifts.

Oy.

I was stuck
And I didn't know what to say
Or how to play it.

I didn't want to pull the rug out from under her
But I also didn't like the fact that she was fixated on
Still giving Santa powers that no one besides God can have.

Urgh.

My gifts to the girls were already wrapped
Labeled
And placed under the tree.
They knew it.
I knew it.
And now
Christmas Eve Eve
I was starting to worry about how I could figure out something for a "Santa" thingy.
 
Then my friend came to the rescue.
And her husband.
They didn't leave it up to me.
She texted me to let me know that "Santa"
Was going to be visiting our front porch
While we were at Christmas Eve service.

At first I was feeling guilty about accepting this generosity.
But then - 
I was just plain excited about this "Santa" visit
Because I had nothing to do with it.
It was all my friend and her Santa-loving husband.

Due to the length of time we were going to be gone
It was decided to have "Santa" bring in the gifts
And place them in the house.

Fast forward to Christmas Eve... 

As we got home from church about 10:45 pm
The girls ran to the door
Like always
And then just stood there.
The front porch was covered with
(And still is!)
White glitter flakes.
There was a "believe" plaque on the doorknob
And a card addressed to us in the screen door.

It's snowing on the front porch!

Seriously - best letter from Santa EVER! 

Then we entered the house and found this:

Look - Santa even covered the coffee table with red tissue paper and green streamer thingies!

My friend and her hubby were so thoughtful.
Every gift was a family gift.
Board games - like Monopoly, Sorry, and Trouble.
A popcorn popper.
The movie Brave.
And more.

It was Santa--
But it was a "different" Santa.
A family-focused Santa.
A giving Santa but not a "Making a List and Checking It Twice" Santa.
My kind of Santa.

I have a feeling this version of Santa will be making the rounds again
Around here
Next year as well.

And after enjoying our
Christmas Eve Family Santa
Then we read our birthday cards to Jesus
(The girls were asked to make Him one and write a little message inside the morning before.)
And had our breakfast casserole midnight breakfast in His honor as well.

I guess I need to work on helping the girls learn how to spell Jesus.  Sigh.

Breakfast casserole and a red velvet birthday cake at midnight!  Happy Birthday, Jesus!

Christmas morning was slow
Was peaceful
Was pleasant.
Was relaxed.
It was the girls' opening gifts from me
And me opening a gift from each of them
And them opening a gift from one to another.
 

It ended with us having dinner with my friend and her hubby.
Bonding over a LONG game of Monopoly
Enjoying delicious prime rib
And just being together.

It wasn't anywhere near my "typical"
Christmases of the past 36 years.
It was in the wrong state.
It was in the wrong house.
It was with different people.
I liked all the people I was with
But I missed all my people I've always called family.

But 2012 Christmas -
It was my unusual Christmas.
It was our "Unique Christmas."

New traditions were tried.
New traditions were made.
New traditions were embraced.

But at the core
At the focus
At the center
Was Jesus.
(Or Jeses.)
And that's why it was good.
That's why it was very good.
And that's why it was very blessed.

I don't know where I will be for Christmas 2013.
I don't know where I will be living.
I don't know who may be living with me.
But I know the one constant that will not change.
Jesus.

Christmas Eve Eve - Cookies, DSI, and Dolls

Christmas Eve Eve.
Miss M heard that phrase at church last night
And she referred to today as that all day.

So...about the cookies -
Christmas cut-out cookies
Have always been a tradition with my family in Michigan.
We would spend an entire Saturday.
Dad was in charge of the dough making
(Usually the night before, I think)
And then the rolling and cutting out
And then all four of us kids
And mom
Would spend hours and hours and hours
Frosting
Hundreds and hundreds.
I think my dad made 4-6 dough batches every year.

Somewhere along the line
I took over the making of the dough and cutting out
(Probably because I learned that I could sneak all the raw dough I wanted
And that if you rolled and baked then you got out of frosting!)

Every other year,
Since I've moved to Arizona
I've gone back to Michigan
And they would save the cookie baking job for me.

This year
They did it without me.
This year
I did it without them.

Today
I taught my foster daughters
The joy and craft of making roll out sour cream cookies
Using Great Great Aunt Clara Virkler's recipe.

And
I taught them
How to lick batters
Lick fingers
(And then wash hands)
Eat the broken pieces
And how to best hold the cookie in order to frost.

Ms. O is like me - not so much into the frosting.

Miss M loved the frosting.  Truly have never seen her put some much effort into making something look so nicely.

Hard at work.

Here is some of the "finished project."

Proof of Miss M's patience and focus.

So...about the DSIs - 
The girls received DSIs from their grammy
At their visit yesterday.
Now we are establishing
Rules
(No whining if you can't figure out how to play the game - read the directions.)
Guidelines
(No chatting to each other of the machines when you are in the same house and room!)
Time limits
(30 minute increments for now - not sure how to deal with this one yet.)
They also received little MP3 players.
Loaded them up with various Christian music
And oldies I used in my classroom.
Got to love watching them dance and sing around the house to themselves.
So grateful they are comfortable enough to be free and childlike.

So...about the dolls - 
Probably a month ago
One of my friends from my licensing group
Contacted me to see if Miss M and Ms. O might be interested in
Receiving two dolls that a woman from her church found.
I said sure
And then I kind of forgot about them.

Then about two weeks ago
She called me to say there were at her house
And I could pick them up at anytime.
Then
I began to realize what it means to be
"Home for the Holidays"
And have two girls
And a full time jobs
And too many evening commitments
And I never got them.
Just kept forgetting.

So,
They dropped them off this afternoon.
The girls were estatic.
Way more so than I could have EVER suspected.
They were nearly giddy.
Each other came in a box
That also contained a suitcase
And in that suitcase came
Multiple hand-made
Complete
Outfits for each doll.
Dresses
Coats
Pajamas
Socks
Shoes
Slippers
Robes
Underwear
Hats
Purses

It was hilarious to hear them be in the middle of imaginary play
And then break "character" and exclaim over a new treasure they located.

Ms. O and Allie in Allie's Party Dress

Miss M and Emily in Emily's Princess Dress

Emily and Allie in their spa robes and sleep over clothes - Check out those slippers!!!

Emily and Allie in their "Country Club" clothes.  I heard them talking about these from the kitchen and couldn't wait to see what in the world they felt were "country club" outfits.  After I saw them I asked them what they thought a country club and they said it was somewhere people went to those horse riding shows.  LOL.  We ended up calling these their "Hoedown" outfits. 

PS - So...about the roses- 
Drained the water out of them this morning.
Stuck them on top of the dryer
And shut the door.
Four + hours later
Still not dead.
Sprayed some Oxi Clean in the vase.
Four + hours later
Still not dead.
Sprayed some Pledge in the vase.
Four + hours later
Heading to bed tonight
Still not dead.
Crap.

May have just shoved them into the trash bag
Which then made a speedy exit
Out to the trash container.
Then again
Maybe I didn't
And some evil elf did.

The Note, The Roses, and the Plan

The Note:
Most weekend mornings
I leave a note.
I'm a stay-up-late-sleep-in-kind-of-gal.
The girls are the get-up-when-the-sun-shines-in-kind-of-kids.
The good news is
They are independent.
Therefore
I get to sleep in a little
And they get some freedom
And we are developing trust.

(Thank God called me to foster
Older
Independent
Kiddos!)

The notes seem to usually be filled with
Directions
To-dos
Homework
Etc.

It was nice to write this one for tomorrow morning.

The Roses:

The girls came home
From their weekly visit
Each with a bouquet of roses.

At first, I think

How cute.
How sweet.

(Now...I am 36 and have never received a bouquet of roses
Now - that might be from being eternally single
And the fact that I think they are a waste of money and die to quickly.
Give me carnations any day.
But...I digress.)

Then I find out WHO gave them to them.
I make eye-contact with the parent-aide 
And I walk outside for a private chat with her.

I can't go into details on the WHO
Or WHY its relied me up so,
But I seriously CAN'T believe that *#&$^ person was invited to the visit
And that permission was never asked for
And the parent aide was never told ahead of time.
Ambush.

And then to look at those roses and KNOW
They are from the *%#!*$#
It seriously makes me want to vomit.

But
I've taken care of it.

I am pretty sure they will be
Dying,
Wilting,
Croaking,
Extra earlier than usual
Extra faster than usual

All I have to decide is whether to use
Shampoo
Dish soap
or
Bleach
In order to speed up the dying off process.

Maryann
In the Kitchen
With the Bleach.

Guilty.
And proud of it.

I need to bake in that kitchen all day tomorrow.
I don't want those looming over me.

"Very Soon"

Every CFT I have the same "discussion" with the a certain someone on the team.
No, I cannot have a meeting at 10 am in the morning.
No, I cannot transfer the kids to therapy 35+ miles away after they get out of school.
No, I cannot.

In my world-
My public education world
In my world-
My single-foster-mother world,
I cannot just leave for a meeting during the middle of the day
(Do you remember that I live over 20 miles away from where you have me come for meetings?)
I cannot just take off a few hours and then flex my time
(Do you remember me telling you that I work until 4:30 and I cannot leave earlier?)
I cannot just change plans at the 12th hour and be told not to bring the kids 
(Do you remember it's just me?)

It is so frustrating to talk
And never be heard.
Or to talk
And pretend to be heard.
6 months now with this person
And we are still having the same conversations,
Same dialogues.

Services too far away.
Concerns with a 9 and 10 year old being transported by taxi over 35 miles without an adult.
Who is the GAL?
When is the next court date?

And to her
Each time
She acts like it is the first time she's heard of it.
There is never a pen present or a single note written down.
Appointments are set on a kitchen wall calendar covered in pencil.
There is always a list of things for me to do
To follow up with HER
When I leave.
And I know if I don't
It won't happen.
Now if it were for me -
I'd say screw it.
But these things are for the girls!

I'm frustrated.
I'm annoyed.
I'm mad.

Yes, I know funds are almost non-existent.
(I am in public education - I get that better than most.)
Yes, I know caseloads are overwhelming.
(I am in public education - I feel your pain - try teaching 32+ 10 year olds.)
Yes, I know the pay is crap.
(I am in public education - enough said.)
But does that mean you don't have to
Follow through?
Take notes?
Make contacts?
Check in?
Make home visits?
Tell the truth?
Care?

AND
Further more...
STOP promising the girls things like
"You'll get to go home to Mommy very soon."

What the hell is "very soon?"
I don't even know and I'm 36.
"Very soon" to a 9 and 10 year old meant Christmas last month,
(Well, because that's what you told them!)
Now it means their mom's birthday in January this month.
(Which is completely unrealistic! And I pointed it out right there!
Good grief - she's gone for the next two weeks!)
"Very soon" isn't an answer,
And it isn't something you should be promising kids
When the "very soon" is dependent on
Finding another job
Keeping the job
Finding an apartment
Visit supervision and lengths changing
And the court hearings.

I want it to be "very soon"
For the girls sake.
I truly do.
But don't say that kind of things to kids
When you can't give them milestones
Steps
Reassurances.

Oh, and ONE MORE THING
Don't sit there and try to tell the therapy services provider that YOU know what kind of therapy the girls need and what their behavioral/emotional/social issues are and that you are insisting that they get these services as quickly as possible when a) you have talked with them less than 4 times each in the 9 months in care, b) your perception of them is what was told to you when you took over their case, c) you've sat there at every meeting since August (when CFTs should have started in May!) and said you would check into changing service providers when concerns about distance, wait lists, and transportation were brought up then and YOU NEVER DID!

Praise Report - (Yes...I do have several today in actuality!)
A wonderful blessing of the CFT today was just being there with the girls, their mom, and the parent aide.  The three of us are TOTALLY on the same page, which is a true God-send.  In addition, I have been telling the girls' mom that I wanted to make every effort to come to the next court date.  Today I found out that the next court date is January 3rd.  This is an AMAZING blessing because I don't go back to work until the 7th and I had already signed up the girls for a few days of Winter Break Kids' Club and that was one of the days!  I love how the Lord is leading the way for me to be able to attend, yet be able to save my precious and few sick days/personal days for those true reasons.


Prayer Requests -
Please pray that the girls continue to be open with me about asking about the reunification process with their mom.  I truly don't have any answers yet I want to be honest and open with them and allow them to talk through the confusing process and fuzzy timeline.

Ew.

It was
Another night
When one of those
Slap me in the head
And call me an idiot
You've never been a mother
And now you are trying to be a parent
To a 9 and 10 year old
Snuck up and hit me between the eyes.

As I kissed Ms. O
And tucked the blankets around her
She says
"Tomorrow when we get up
Will you clean my ears?
They hurt."

I,
Full of Concern,
And thinking of all the flu,
Strep
Ear Infections,
Etc.
Going around schools
Tell her I'd do it right now.

Then I pulled out the q-tips.
Then I realized I have never cleaned either of the girls' ears
Ever.
Then I threw up in my mouth a little bit.

First it was clipping toe nails.
Now it was earwax.
Barf.

No wonder she claims not to hear things I say.
Nasty!

Then,
20+ q-tips later,
As I get done
Ms. O says
"I meant that my earring hurt
And I wanted you to clean my ear behind my earring...
But, thanks."

Sure enough.
She had been playing with one of her earrings during social studies
And had irritated it.
Blood.
Barf again.
(This is why I became a teacher - not a nurse.)
We took out her earrings
And sterilized her ears.
She gave me a hug.
Said thanks.
And went to bed.

Needless to say,
Ms. O has the cleanest ears around.

As far as Miss M,
She'll have to wait for another day.

The ear cleaning is definitely something that will have to go on to my
"Don't forget to check out on a semi-regular-basis."

Let's see...So far, I have...
Toe nails.
(Crap - they grow so fast.)
Finger nails.
(Why can't they just chew them like I did.)
Ear Wax.
(Oh, ew, ew, ew.)
Clean out back packs.
(I swear - things grow in there.)
Organize bedroom drawers.
(Some how what I fold becomes shoved in to the point of explosion.)
Between the beds and bookshelves.
(It amazing how many socks have lost their pairs!)
Check soap and toilet paper supplies.
(Seriously!  Can't SOMEONE tell me that they ran out?!?)

Praise Report -
When I left work today, I was bothered by an interaction and decision of the student.  I don't usually share anything with the girls, but something was brought up on the way home and I ended up giving some general details about the issue, the student's poor choices, and then the student's continual denial of the choice despite rock solid evidence.  We talked about being truthful, asking for forgiveness, why confession is good for the soul, etc.  At one point Ms. O says "I love when we talk like this.  It makes me think about what I can do differently."  And Miss M replied with, "Yeah - and when we are back with Mommy we can think of Mommy Maryann's stories and lessons and make good choices."  Melt my heart, girls.  Melt it to pieces.

Prayer Request -
CFT tomorrow.  It is my 5th one and supposedly there are services ready for Miss M.  The problem is the same problem that I have brought up since August.  I talked with the possible therapist that would take her case and when I explained the distance, time, etc. her first words to me were "why haven't they changed the service provider to someone in your area?" - which is what I have been asking for since August. Please pray for me to speak with clarity and wisdom for the sake of the girls and for the sake of their need for support, yet keeping in mind that their transition to moving back with their mother could be in as little as 45 - 60 days.

All Because of a Chicken Bone

Today was a good day.
It was an all-day rainy day.
(Which is totally rare)
But
An incident with a chicken bone
Almost sent the day on it's head...

No visit this weekend.
(The girls' mom has a job
And had training today.
Which,
Like I told the girls,
Is a good thing.
A thing bringing them one step closer to being reunited.


So today was
House Hunt time
Haircut time
iPod down time
Homework time
Book report practice time
Colonial Test study time
TV time
Church Time

And then on the way home
I got us a bucket of chicken
From KFC
And then we had family movie night.
Little Rascals
(The remake)
Was on TV.
I loved watching them
Watch the movie
And seeing them
Laugh
Giggle
And groan
In all the right spots.

Then came the chicken bone.
Ms. O
(Who usually forgets to put her food down the garbage disposal)
Shoved hers down the garbage disposal
And then turned it on.
And then screamed at the noise it was making.
And I yelled for her to turn off the garbage disposal.
She finally did.

In my world
I saw it clearly as a situation as
"You shoved it down there,
You fish it out of there."

Simple.
Easy.
Done.


(I may recall a similar incident with myself as a kid
Except this was involving a spoon.)


So,
I told her she needed to get the pieces out of the garbage disposal.
Soon
I find her with a fork down the garbage disposal
Telling me she can't find anything.

I tell her to roll up her sleeve
Stick her hand down the garbage disposal
Get out the pieces of chicken bones

And
Then
The
Stand-Off
Began

Miss M was finally sent to bed
Prayers and kisses and tucked in
And Ms. O was still standing there
In front of the garbage disposal
With no intention of putting her hand down there.

Yes.
I could have done it.
But
Seriously
It's not that big of deal.
You shoved it in there.
You take it out of there.
Pleasant?
No.
Natural consequence?
Yes.

I let her stand there
And stew

And then began the talking,
On my part,
And the stare down from her.

1.  Nothing sharp down there.
2.  Nothing able to hurt you down there.
3.  Yes, it will be gross - but cheaper than replacing it.
4.  I would never make you do it, if you could get hurt.

More stewing.
More refusal.
All in silence.

And then came the count downs to the deadline for the chicken bones to be pulled out.
"You have 10 seconds to pull up your shirt sleeve."

I was like one of those parents counting down to three
Telling a kid they need to do something
And as I am counting down
I have ABSOLUTELY NO CLUE
As to what I will do if she doesn't do it by the count down.


I continue on with the steps
And the counting
And I modeled each step of the process
(Including sticking my own hand down there,
Repeatedly)

(Seriously - I should have just stopped the entire process, gotten out the iPad, and just captured this horrible moment of parenting.  It probably could have gone viral.  Oy.)


1.  Roll up the sleeve in 10 seconds.
2.  Put your hand in the garbage disposal in 10 seconds.
3.  Feel around the garbage disposal in 10 seconds.
4.  Go back in and find the pieces I can still feel in there.
5.  (Repeat step four about 6 times.)

Then I sent her to brush her teeth.
And I replay my choices
My words
My decisions while she's in there.

How do I heal this?
How do I make sure she doesn't
I don't
Go to bed angry?

She came out.
And
Without much thought
And without any warning

I grabbed her into a big hug.
And she hugged me right back.

I told her loved her.
I told her that I suspected she'd never throw a chicken bone down the garbage disposal again.
I told her that she was brave once she got over her stubbornness.

She apologized
On her own
For not just doing what I was asking.

I apologized for raising my voice and getting frustrated.

And then we laughed about it.

We laughed about my frustration at her stubbornness.
We laughed about her stubbornness over a stupid chicken bone.

God bless that chicken bone.
It might just be a stepping stone in breaking through with Ms. O.
Who knows?

The Strong-Willed Child - She's Living in My House

 I ordered this book tonight


Because I am
At
My
Wit's
End.

The 10 year old
Ms. O
Is
Stubborn
Defiant
And
Disrespectful

(Yes...she's also fun-loving, cute, helpful, kind, funny, sweet, smart, creative, etc. - but that is not what this post is about and I have to get this prayer request and search for wisdom and advice out there!)

We've had
Silence Stand-Offs
Here
That have lasted 4 - 5 hours at a time.
Won't talk.
Crosses arms.
Can't humor.
Can't talk out of it.
Can't process.
Nothing.

It happens when she thinks something is too hard
Or it is something she didn't want to do
Or it is something that she didn't get her way on.

Homework used to be the big issue
But after one night of her spending over 2 hours
Yes, 2
On four short answer questions
And me refusing to give in to her
The next night she came home
And finished the last four of the
Short answer problems
In 15 minutes.
Yes, 15.
On her own.
Without help.
Without issue.
And that's when I knew.
It was a choice.
A game.
A defiance issue.

Things have been better at the house
Lately
For the most part.

But now
She's started it at school.

Tuesday -
Refused to play the math game with her group
Then refused to help in her science group
With an experiment.
Sent to time-out/refocus in the hallway.
Teacher kept her in the classroom during
Lunch
To process
To talk
To figure out what was up.
Ms. O
NEVER
SAID
ONE
WORD.
Not one.
She just stood there.
Arms crossed.
Refusing to speak.
Refusing to answer.
Refusing.
The teacher actually pulled out her lunch
And started eating it
Waiting for her to talk.
Nothing.

(When we talked at home -
She said she got upset in music
Because playing the xylophone was hard.)
Seriously?

Today -
Ms. O had a 7 question
End of the novel test.
She turned it in within minutes of getting it.
Minimal writing done.
The teacher handed it back.
Told her to expand on her answers
Otherwise would fail.
Ms. O then sat there
At her desk
With her arms crossed
For over 45 minutes.

(When we talked at home -
She said she wrote all she knew.
I asked her if she opened the novel
To help expand
And she said she didn't feel like it.)
Seriously????

I don't know what to do.
She didn't get to watch 30 minute of TV like her sister.
She folded laundry.
She helped set up for dinner.
She didn't get to put her photos in the photo book like Miss M did.
We talked.
(Oh, heck.
I talked.)
We talked about defiance.
We talked about disrespect.
We talked about disobedience.
We talked about choices.
We talked about positive consequences.
We talked about negative consequences.
We read Philippians 4:13.
We highlighted it.

I racked my brain for a good Bible story to teach a lesson.
I came up dry.
I racked my brain for a logical consequence.
I came up dry.
I racked my brain.
I came up dry.

I need prayers.
For wisdom.
For understanding.
For steps.

I know it's the holidays
But
Still
Defiance like that?
Disrespect like that?
Not okay.

I know reunification is closer
I know their mom is bringing it up consistently
I know we don't know the timeline for sure
But
Still
Defiance like that?
Disrespect like that?
Not okay.

I know part of my reaction is
Embarrassment
I am a teacher
I know what that kind of behavior is like in a classroom
I know that I have defiance and disrespect talks with my students more than anything else.

I know part of my reaction is
Frustration
I
Don't
Know
What
To
Do
To
Help
Her

I know part of my reaction is 
Exasperation
This young lady
Should be receiving services
Counseling
Support

I know part of my reaction is
Truly
Out of love
I want to help
I want to mold
I want to teach
I want to lead.

Please pray.
Please advise.
Please share your wisdom.
Please.

A Year of Firsts

Tonight as I finished up
Putting up Christmas lights
On the front of my house
For the first time in my life,
I started to think of all the
FIRSTS
I've had in 2012.

And the fact that
Honestly
In the year 2011
This was just a seed growing in my mind
As placed on me by God
And now
Here I am.

Now - usually this is the kind of blog post
You'd see on December 31st
But
Alas
It's on my heart
Swirling in my head now
So
Too bad.
Got to deal with it now.

The list is random
The list is incomplete
The list is kind of surreal
But then again
It's been a surreal year
But a blessed one.
A thankful one.
A life-changing one.

• First Christmas Tree
• First Christmas Lights
• First Christmas not going home to Michigan
• First Birthday not home in Michigan
• First Cooking of Thanksgiving Dinner
• First Time Buying a Car without my Dad's assistance
• First Time Not Being a Classroom Teacher
• First Time Flying with Two Kids
• First Time Telling Someone I was going to become a Foster Parent
• First Time Being a Parent, and a Single-Parent at that
• First Time Attending Parent Teacher Conferences as the Parent, Not the Teacher
• First Time Sitting Next to a Child as she Confesses her Belief in God and His Son, Jesus.
• First Time My Refrigerator is Full of Fruits and Veggies
• First Time I Trim Little Girls' Toe Nails 
• First Time I Teach a Young Girl How to Shave her Legs
• First Time I Join a Support Group (two in fact!)
• First Time I Go Through a Jar of Pickles and a Gallon of Milk in a Week
• First Time I Cry Out When I Step on Barbie Shoes and Lego Pieces as I Go to Bed
• First Time I Hug the Mother of the Children I am Caring For
• First Time I Meet a Foster Daughter

(The good news is that I was able to take down the painters' tape on the side of the wall after I added a few more nails to hold down the strip of snowflake lights across my front porch.  The bad news is that we couldn't remember how many bushes were out front of the condo, so we went with two boxes of net lights.  Go figure - there are three bushes and we went back to Target today and they are totally out.  Oy.)

Praise Reports:
The girls are funny.  They make me laugh. I love hearing them together making each other laugh.

Prayer Requests:
This month's CFT is supposed to take place on Thursday evening.  I'm annoyed before even going into it because I know nothing has been done, nothing has changed, and no services have been established for either of the girls since we meet six weeks ago.  Please pray I speak boldly in defense of the defenseless girls, but that I speak with wisdom, and love, and with a tongue of mercy.

Christmas Came Early to Our House

Since Miss M came
Back in July
I have made a conscious effort
To read from a children's Bible storybook
Each night.
It usually happens as part of the nighttime routine
But other nights, it doesn't.

Miss M and I finished up the Old Testament stories
Just as Ms. O came to live with us
And just after Thanksgiving
We finished up the stories of Jesus.

The girls ask so many questions
And lots of times I find myself
Attempting
To quote scriptures
From various places in the Bible
But I realized that I wanted them to have Bibles of their own
To highlight
To underline
To thumb through
To hold
To keep
To use.

On Saturday, December 1st
The girls opened their first Christmas present.
The Adventure Bible - NIV.
They were thrilled.
(Most of all with the Bible highlighter!)

And then we started reading
The Advent Story
We have started in Luke
And we are slowly
Each night
Making our way through the story
The gift
The miracle
The wonder
Of Christ's birth.
 
































It's overwhelming
To be truthful
I feel like I am giving a little mini sermon every night
But they are listening
They are hearing
They are asking questions
They are answering questions
And God is working in them,
God is molding them.
I hear the words of Truth
Popping up in their prayers.
God is good.


Praise Report:
Miss M's birthday is behind us.  I know it's a weird praise report, but it truly is a praise for me.

Prayer Request:
The holidays are hard.  I am struggling of how to include the girls' mom yet establish, set, and hold to boundaries that I have learned I must have.  Please pray for wisdom, truthfulness, and understanding.

Miss M is 9

A unique 9th birthday
For a unique year
For a unique
And wonderful
And special
And funny
And loving
Little girl
Whom I love with all my heart.

Sunday was the unique birthday party.
Me
Ms. O
Miss M
And their mom.
Junie B. Jones Jingle Bells, Batman Smells play
At Arizona Child's Play in downtown Tempe
Followed by opening most of her gifts from me
Outside at the local park
And then
Oregano's
(With birthday hats, napkins, and noise makers in tow)
For dinner with
Of course
Her free birthday pizza cookie.
(It's the first place she and I went out for dinner the day she came to live with me back in July.)

Then this morning,
The actual birthday,
I decorated the kitchen table
And put up a birthday signed
And had her open up three remaining gifts
And she was ecstatic.
Then at lunch
I ran over to her school
And surprised her with Taco Bell for lunch
(Like I saw parents do for all of my ten years teaching there!)
And then tonight we went out to Red Robin
And they sang Happy Birthday to her
Loudly
Obnoxiously
And she grinned from ear to ear.

I don't know how many more months
Miss M and Ms. O
Will be with me
But they have both forever changed my life
And
Miss M
Will always be my
First foster daughter
And
I can't thank God enough for her blessing in my life.
She's changed me
For the better
She's challenged me
For my growth
She's attached to me
For my life
And
I am so blessed to call her my
Special Daughter.
My Sunshine Girl.

I love you, Miss M.