Too familiar with it.
Not my favorite face.
It appears when I say -
-Time to go.
-Wash your face.
-Did you wash your hands?
-Is that where your shoes go?
-Time for dinner, turn off the TV.
-Did you flush the toilet?
-It's 5:00 am and it's too early to be up.
-Back in the shower, there is no way you washed your hair and body that fast.
-Could you walk a little faster?
-No.
-Not now.
-Not this time.
Yeah - so it basically shows up when she doesn't get her way.
Lovely.
I then follow up with "the look" and repeating the statement/request/question.
Usually,
(so far)
it tends to fade and we move on.
But...
more and more
it is coming
appearing
rearing its ugly head
and then I have to be
THE MOM.
Sigh.
I love it...
being "Mommy".
The laughing.
The playing.
The giving.
The providing.
But there is a flip-side
(which I knew about/know about)
being " The Mom"
but it's hard.
The loving consistency.
The loving follow-through.
The loving care.
The voice of reason.
And...tonight I am tired.
We met a lot of people.
We went a lot of places today.
Miss M did fine really.
But I -
on the other hand -
I was on edge.
What will she say?
How will she react?
How can I help?
How can I prepare her?
How can I help her begin to attach in a healthy way?
How much is too much?
Is she happy?
Is she making good choices?
Is her conversation appropriate?
It was weird.
I hadn't been that way before.
Not sure why I was today.
I felt like I am on hyper-watch.
Part of it is due to the meeting tomorrow.
Part of it is I want to help her all I kind.
Part of it is -
Well, who knows.
That's just the way it was today.
So there.
Another day of realism.
Praise Reports:
- Miss M met my entire AZ family and I got to have a chat session with my aunt. I needed it.
- Tomorrow is the CFT. I feel totally unprepared for whatever is going to happen, be talked about, or be decided.
- This sounds weird - but I need to cry - and in an appropriate place. (Like my bedroom alone, not in front of the meeting tomorrow.) I'm not a crier. It's weird and kind of annoying - but I've always been like this. I can feel it building and building and I know from experience that it means at some point, when I least expect it, the tears will come. I need to have that emotional release and just keep moving on. There is nothing major, there's just been a lot going on and a lot of changes and it's just time to release and keep pressing forward.
3 comments:
Praying for your meeting tomorrow! And I hope you've had that good cry. I totally know what you mean. That hyper-thinking about what the kids do, say, think, etc. has grown as mine get older, and a bit of crying it out before God does wonders for me too. :)
Tears are therapy! When you're a mom - they come easily. They come when you're joyful, they come when you're frustrated. They come when you're overwhelmed and anxious. It's normal. It's exactly how God made us. We FEEL things in a very real way and letting them leak out of our eyes allows us to pick up and carry on. It doesn't show weakness - it shows strength. We've handled all this - and are about to handle all that - and all we needed to do was let a tear or two fall and BAM! we're back on top of our game.
Welcome to motherhood. You never know what or when to expect anything - the minute you think you've got it under control - they switch it up on you!
You're doing great - hang in there mama!
Crying is nothing to be ashamed of! Tears mean you are expressing and showing that you care. Right now little miss M does NOT have many people that can or would do that for her. Maryann, you are being a terrific mother and watching you interact with her is amazing.
Don’t ever forget the hardest things in life result in the greatest joys! As parents we do nothing but try. I know I am human and therefore fail quite often. Yet if you honestly try every day, what could honestly be done better? Nothing. You are a great person and an even better mother :o ]
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