A meltdown

Tonight was Remix.
Remix is a monthly family worship experience for K - 3rd graders at my church.
Miss M was so excited to go.
I was too...until a long day.
But we went.

I went in with some concerns.
Not about the experience itself, but about the timing.
It was supposed to start at 7.
We live about 15-20 minutes away from church.
Miss M and I start her bedroom routine at 7:30 every night.
Lights are out by 8:00 - 8:15.
I didn't know how long it was planned to last.
I didn't know what was exactly going to happen.

I packed Miss M her bedtime snack for the ride home.
We packed her book to read to me on the ride home.
She knew when we got home it would be straight to bed.
The plan was set.

They started 10 minutes late.
It lasted almost an hour.
Miss M loved it.
I loved it.
But I could see Miss M fading fast.
She spent the last 15 minutes of the evening on my lap with her head leaning back on my shoulder.

Then...
As I think we are being dismissed...
They announce the scavenger hunt with prizes to follow.
Yes.
A scavenger hunt.

Miss M immediately looked up at me
and the pleading
and the begging
and the whining
and the puppy dog eyes began.

I said I didn't think it was going to work.
It was already after 8 pm.

Then the pouting
and the arms crossing
and the attitude joined in with those things above.

She wouldn't hold my hand as we walked out of the worship center.
We got the pieces to go play the scavenger hunt -
because they were handing them out at the door -
but we went to the car.

We stopped on the way.

We needed to talk.
Okay...I needed to talk.
I couldn't handle the stomping.
I couldn't handle the arms crossed.

I explained that her behavior choices of the above mentioned sealed the deal
and thus we were leaving
and not playing the scavenger hunt game.

Then the sobbing started.

And I mean sobbing.

It went on for over 10 minutes.

Loud.
Harsh.
Painful.
Real.

Do I give in?
Do I talk?
Do I let her just get it out?
Do I stop and hold her?
Do I say enough is enough?

I handed her kleenex.

And prayed.

A simple prayer.
A pleading prayer.
I don't remember what it was.
A survival, stay-strong, love her prayer.

And at some point down the road,
just like that,
she stopped.

She got out her book
switched on the back seat light
and read the rest of the way home.

I handed her her snack.
She said thank you.

We got home.
She held my hand on the way into the house.

She immediately got dressed
brushed her teeth
combed her hair.

We tucked her in.
We played roses and thorns.

I brought it up.
I couldn't let her go to bed worrying
wondering
upset.

"Are you ready to talk about what happened at Remix?"

"Mommy, I've never cried like that before."

"Well, why do you think you did tonight?"

"Because I was mad, and tired, and well - also because of all this stuff with my mom.  I don't cry very much.  I think I was crying about everything tonight."

"I don't either.  Sometimes a little thing will make me cry and I just have to have a good cry about all kinds of stuff I should have cried about before."

"That's another way we are alike, Mommy."

"Yes, Sunshine.  And just so you know you can cry, pout, stomp, whatever as much as you want, need, or do and I'm still going to love you and I'm not giving you up until your Mommy is 100% ready for you to come and live with her again.  I love you no matter what.  Okay?"

"That's what Olivia's mom said to her!"

"What?"

"Olivia the pig.  The book I was reading in the car.  Olivia's mom tucked her and said 'you wore me out today, but I still love you'."

"Very cool."

I noticed her eyes were getting teary again.

"Do you need to cry it out some more?"

"No. These are tears of joy."

I kissed her forehead.

"I love you, Sunshine."

Then I finished tucking her in and we said our prayers.

Five minutes later she was sound asleep.

I'm exhausted,.
I'm spent.
I'm weary.

But - 
I'm blessed.
I'm protected.
I'm loved.

And so is Miss M.
*******************************************************************************
Praise Report -
- Miss M released some emotions tonight - the good, bad, and ugly.  Praise God.
- Remix was a great worship experience for the two of us.

Prayer Request -
- I have two nights next week that I have meetings or trainings until 7:30.  This means long days apart from Miss M, needing to find friends/family to care for her after day care closes, and juggling her around more than I like.