Roses and Thorns....and Buds, and Seeds, and Prickles

Roses and thorns is a nightly bedtime routine around here
We all love it
We never skip it
(There have been times I have suggested we do but am always out voted)

However,
My two gems have decided it doesn't fit their needs quite enough
The game has expanded
Grown
Matured
And I love it.

I need to play it myself tonight
For the purposes of downloading
This blog has been brewing in my head over the weekend
And despite the fact that the house isn't in it's usual
Cleaned up over the weekend look
I need to blog.
Therefore, I will.

My Rose

Friday night was an amazing night with Christian Family Care Agency
At their 30th anniversary celebration called EVERY
The girls were volunteers at the event
And four dear friends of mine came along
The worship lead by Peter Furler
Former lead singer of Newsboys
Was incredible on his acrostic guitar
And then the original play entitled A Life Connected
Moved us all to tears.
It was so special
So welcoming
So encouraging.

The President/CEO and several other leads of CFCA
Heard about Miss M accepting Jesus into her heart earlier in the week
(My licensing worker forwarded them my blog)
And they each made a special attempt at some point during the evening
To locate Miss M
Tell them they are praying for her
And that they are rejoicing with the angels!
Then the President even mentioned Miss M on stage and
Commissioned the entire audience to pray for her and the other children
This little girl is covered!!!
Praise God!

My Thorns

Oy.
Two is harder than one.
They fight.
Squabble
Bricker
Teased
Scare
Annoy
Each other at every turn.
The new daily fight is who will walk in the door after me and not last because they don't want to shut the door behind us.  I mean, REALLY!!!
I know they love each other.
But, seriously...
OY VEY!

Last night we went to pick up a bike someone donated to us
There was no room for the girls to sit in the back sit at all
So I told them to cram into the front seat together
For the one mile ride home.
Fight.
Ms. O wouldn't move over.
Told her sister to sit on the floor at her fight.
I had to show Ms. O exactly how far to move over.
Then they started to elbow each other
So I made them both sit with their arms crossed for the entire ride home
And told them they weren't allowed to talk to touch.
They looked hysterically funny sitting up there next to me.
It was all I could do not to burst out laughing.
Then before letting them get out of the car,
I told them they both had to give a specific apology to each other
And include a specific compliment/up-lifter to the other.
My two strong-willed girls sat there
FOR TWO MINUTES
And neither would give in and start first
I sat there, waiting.
(I held my breath for the first minute and then let them know that someone would have to eventually humble themselves because we weren't leaving the car until the apologies happened.  It still took another full minute.)
Ms. O finally gave in and went first.
(I had betting in my head it was going to be Miss M.)

Needless to say,
Today I designed a new allowance chart.
The number one section -
Listed at the very top -
Caring for Others at Home.
They can get 10 cents, 5 cents, or 0 cents for three elements in this section.
1.  Being kind/loving/respectful
2.  Being obedient
3.  Being forgiving
We went over the new chart today.
Improvement yet?
Some
Maybe
They both got 5 cent stickers for each category.
Oy.

My Other Thorn

Money.
Never been good at saving.
Ever.
Ask my parents.
I earn it, I blew it.
For years.
Got myself in some big binds.
Still digging my way out.
It's embarrassing
But it's part of me
Part of my story.
Still learning.
Still growing.

I was just sharing with a friend of how the Lord has continually provided with the new financial burden of suddenly going from single to a mother of one to a mother of two.  

But then yesterday happened.
Breakfast with a friend.
Downtown Phoenix farmers' market.
Got some good healthy food.
Found a gorgeous necklace.
Should have looked and left.
Didn't.
Bought it.
Wore it home.
Decided to treat myself to a pedicure.
My one monthly splurge.
(But...wait...what about that necklace, you ask!)
Then I got in there.
I was looking at my nasty fingernails.
For years and years and years I was a nail biter.
I mean a mega-nail biter.
Bandaids needed nail biter.
Finally got over that a few years back.
Until this fall.
The new job?
The fostering?
Who knows.
But I'm back to bandaids on a couple of fingers
Each week.
So sad.
And the next thing I knew.
The pedicure turned into my getting arcylic nails.
SAY WHAT?
I've literally been looking at my fingers since I got in the car,
Thinking to myself
"What the hell were you thinking?"
(Yes - I swear in my head, a lot.
I try not to.
I am getting better.)
I look at my fingernails and think
"Those don't even look like they belong on your hand
I look at the debit card receipt
And kick myself over and over.
Will I ever learn?

The gorgeous necklace and the fingernails that look completely out of place on me.  I hate money....and my lack of consistent responsibility with it!!!

My Bud

I heard about buds online when I was looking for an online explanation for roses and thorns that I could share with a friend who was asking for some information.  The girls loved the idea of being able to share about things they were excited about that were upcoming potential roses.  This past week they both shared buds every day about the upcoming CFCA party and then their visit with mom on Saturday.

My bud is that I am excited for Halloween this year.
Now
You have to know that I traditionally have hated the holiday
I hate the evil
I hate the scary
I hate the gorging on candy
I just do.
But this year is different.
This year it's about two young girls who love their costumes
Who can't wait to crave pumpkins.
Who can't wait to go the Pumpkin Walk at school.
Who I can't wait to show off their costumes to family and friends.
Who I can't wait to steal some favorite pieces of candy.
My bud is that I am excited for Halloween this year
And I am excited about being excited about it.

My Seed

Tonight was our first night with seeds.  It was developed by Miss M in the shower.  Here is her definition.  "A seed is something you are planting and hoping it will one day soon turn into a rose."  It's a hope. It's a dream.  It's a prayer.  Miss M's seed tonight was that in a few months she, Ms. O, their little brother, and their mom can all be living together again.  Ms. O said her seed was the same.

My seed is the same as the girls.
But how will you ever let them go?
It's asked of me almost on a daily basis.
The comment that provokes it is usually
"I could never foster because I could never give them back."
Honestly, I don't know how I'll do anything.
Day in
Day out.
I don't know how I will "let them go" from my home.
I do know that when the time comes
It will be hard
It will be lonely
It will be sad.
But, do I know they have a mother who loves them?
Yes.
But, do I know they have God watching over their every step?
Without a doubt.
But, do I know that every one of my prayer warriors will covering them in continually prayer?
Most definitely.
But, do I know it's not by my might, my power, but by God's
Spirit
Strength
Provisions

I do know that the Lord has placed this calling to foster on my heart
Without a doubt

My Prickle

So, tonight on the ride home from our new foster care support group, I was thinking about the day ahead and that I was not looking forward to specific prayer request I am listing below.  I was thinking, well - that's not a bud for sure.  Then as we are getting out of the car and walking to the house, Miss M says "Mommy?  What should be call a possible thorn that could be coming up tomorrow?  I don't want to call it a bud because I'm pretty sure it isn't going to be a rose that's gonna bloom but a thorn."  We were totally having the same thoughts on the home.  The name for an upcoming thorn was tossed around as we got ready for bed.  It was stuck as a tud for awhile - but finally we came up with calling it a prickle.

My prickle is this--
Friday night I missed a phone call.
It was from the director of DES
In the office children/welfare.
This means it's the supervisors of my CPS caseworker's supervisor.
She wants to talk with me on Monday.
My licensing worker assured me I'm not in trouble
We are sure it is just follow up for the child-care issues
(That still are not taken care of.)
I know I need to speak up
Report the CPS caseworker's lack of follow through
But I am nervous.
I want to be full of grace.
I want to be understanding.
I want to be considerate of caseloads.
But I also want to be an advocate
I want to speak up
I want to keep people responsible.
But, my stomach is doing flip-flops about it.
It's a prickle indeed.
I have my new support group praying
So thankful
I have my prayer warriors praying
So grateful
I'm trying to let go
Let God
But 
That prickle is right there
At the tip of my finger.
 
Praise Reports -The rose listed above!
Prayer Request - The two thorns and prickle list above!