A Confession, A Reality, and A Process

The Confession

Seriously,
I just love this kid.
I love her dimpled smile.
I love her teasing.
I love her struggle to fall asleep at night.
    (Yes, I know this feeling will be fleeting for me.)
I love her tender heart for her mom.
I love her inquisitive mind.
I love the messy way she eats.
    (Yes, I know this will get old fast.)
I love how she loves to brush her hair.
I love her completely off-key singing voice.
I love how she is so girly in some ways
    And so tom-boyish in others.
I love her little hypochondriac tendencies
I love her desire to be independent
    Yet her consistent desire for my help.
I love that when I teach her a truth or promise about God
    She is willing to challenge me,
    Question me,
    Tell me that it doesn't make sense to her.
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The Reality

Miz N is full of fears
Fear of scorpions
Fear of meteorites
Fear of dying in more ways that you can imagine
Fear of not being with her mom.

Our conversations go deep
And quickly deep
Tonight was hard.
Hard.

What if I don't ever get to go back with Mommy?
   The Lord has a plan and hope and a future for you all.
   We have to have patience and trust in Him.
What if I can't go back with Mommy?
    We have to trust, wait, and until then....you stay with me.
What if I would escape and try to find Mommy?
     I would come and find you and make sure you are safe.

It's hard to answer an 8 year old fears
When you are barely holding it together yourself.

Then she
Suddenly
Jumps up to get a drink
Burps in my face
Farts
And giggles like a crazy girl
Because for the first two days
She complained about having "gas"
And was too embarrassed to fart in front of me.

So glad she is feeling comfortable with me!
(Even if I know it was a decoy
Because it was getting too deep for her little heart.)

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A Process

Miz N struggles to fall asleep at night.
Such a difference from Miss M and Ms O
Whose heads hit the pillow and sawing zzz's in less than 5 minutes.
It's a process here. 
A long process.
Her brain just goes and goes and goes.
The good news is that tonight
Finally
She didn't get out of bed.
I pulled a little Love and Logic on her
And let her know there would be a consequence
For not staying in bed
After tucking her in
But that I would have to decide what it would be
If it happened.
The deal is
She stays in bed
And I check in with her every ten minutes
(Which is forever,
According to an 8 year old).
Every ten minutes,
For four increments,
She shared with me all the possible consequences
I could maybe give her for getting out of bed.
But...
She stayed in bed
And fell asleep.
That's success,
Right?

On a side note,
I am also covering her
With Kari Jobe worship music
On repeat throughout the night
And praying over her before bed.
She now has started praying my words
At every meal and before bed as well.
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Praise Reports:
 - Miz N gets to go to 2nd/3rd grade Church Camp (day camp) next week!!!  So excited for her to have this opportunity.
 - That the Lord allowed me to have these few weeks of summer break to bring Miz N into my home, love on her, bond with her, and help her adjust.  So crazy blessed.

Prayer Requests:
 - Wisdom and words of comfort to help calm Miz N's fears of the unknown and her future.
 - God's will about opening my home to Miz N's siblings.  You see, Miz N has a one year old brother and an almost three year old sister.  I have been asked to take them in my home as well.  I want to.  Desperately.  But....I don't know if I am cut out for those ages of kiddos.