Something from the Heart

I was contacted by my church's foster care support group and asked to put into writing my foster care experiences over the past year.  I honestly don't know what they are planning to do with it or how they may or may not use it, but here are the ramblings that came out...

Just in case you didn't know...May is National Foster Care Awareness Month.

A year ago I was a single woman mostly content in my solitary life of work, family, friends, church, and travel.  Now, a year later, I am a single foster mother of two tween age girls who will soon be leaving my home, after 9 months together, to be reunited with their biological mother and am fervently praying for the Lord’s guidance in the next sibling groups He means to have me mother for whatever period of time He deems.  And…I have never been more at peace, more content, and felt more blessed in my entire life.

There was no sign from heaven, no lightning bolt from the sky, or a-hit-me-over-the-head-message at church – but over the span of about six months in the spring/summer of 2011 there was a constant, still, small voice saying “you have an extra bedroom, you should foster children.”  At first I ignored it, coming up with multiple reasons in my head as to why not.  While I’ve had a heart for adoption since I was 10, fostering was not on my radar.  The biggest issue was always – but how can I give them back after having them in my home and parenting them for a period of time. My heart would break.  Then there was the issues of single parenting, the financial burden, providing homes for children involved in the broken CPS system, child care, my loss of alone time, my giving up the life I was used to, etc., etc. was always rolling around in my head after hearing/feeling these promptings from God.  But His voice, His prompting did not go away and I knew, from previous experiences in my life, that delayed obedience to God’s promptings makes for a miserable walk. 

In October 2011, I attended an hour long orientation meeting with Kids Consortium and walked away with a list of possible agencies to contact about becoming a licensed foster parent.  By December the Lord had lead me to contact Christian Family Care Agency and in January I meet with my licensing worker.  Between February and April of 2012, I participated in the 10 weeks of PS-MAPP training at a local church with 12 other married couples. In April I was starting to panic about how I would build my support system as a new foster parent, and my church, Mission Community Church, announced their foster care initiative of Esther’s Hope.  Again the Lord was stopping me in the middle of my worries and providing for me and my future foster children. By May I was finishing my licensing paperwork and the state came through and approved my two-bedroom condo to foster children.  Following the home study interview with my licensing worker from Christian Family Care Agency in June, my paperwork was submitted and thus the waiting game began.  Three weeks later, and 9 months after stepping forward in obedience to the Lord’s calling on my life, I was officially a licensed foster mother.

For about a week, calls came in, and I said yes, but the Lord said no . . . He had other plans for those children.  On July 31, my first placement came to live with me.  When I heard some details of her reasoning for placement, I wondered if I was the right person to care for this young girl, but then the Lord showed me yes when it was revealed that she had the same name and was the same age as my only niece.  Okay, God.  Let’s do this thing.

My sweet Miss A was a talker, was a joy, and a sponge for the Lord’s truth.  She visited her mom every week, and each week I sent her to the visit with a daily journal book for her mom about her daughter’s week, progress, and activities.  A month later, the two of us started talking on the phone and she shared her desire for her other daughter, who was at a different placement, to come and live with me as well.  In October, Miss B came to live with us and my girls and I settled in to life together.  After months of asking CPS to set up an ice-breaker meeting with the girls’ mom, I finally stepped forward and just told CPS that I was going to invite the girls’ mom to join us at the Esther’s Hope Festival in November.  The girls and I drove about 30 miles to go and pick her up and it was like meeting up with a long-lost friend.  The afternoon spent together at Misson’s Esther’s Hope Festival was the perfect icebreaker for us.  It was time for she and I to bond while spending time together with the girls.  I knew the girls loved their mom, and I knew she loved them, but there is nothing like seeing that love first hand.  From the moment Miss A was placed with me, I knew the plan for the girls was reunification with their mother, and our time together at the festival solidify my support for her and reunification.  We began to pray for each other and I began to tell her that I loved her at the end of each phone call. 

Thus began a co-parenting, teamwork, support bridge between myself and the girls’ bio mom.  We began to pray for each other and I began to tell her that I loved her at the end of each phone call.  We spent time together over the holidays for the sake of the girls.  The relationship the Lord has allowed me to build with the girls’ mom is surreal in some ways.  They talk about it all the time in training class, but it seems impossible to be honest.  Of the 6 other families that I was trained with that were also licensed, none of the other families have been given the opportunities to bond with their foster’s children’s biological parents like I have.  I am a single foster mother fostering the children of a single mother.  The Lord knew she would need me and I would need her and we would each learn to rely on Him in completely new and different ways as we co-parent these two growing girls in His truth and grace.

As we are just weeks away from the girls returning to live with their mom, I get the question/comment “How can you let them go back? I could never foster because I could never give the kids up.”  Truth is…who could?  I can’t either.  But this isn’t about me.  This is about what God called me to do.  He asked me to open my home, and my heart, to two sweet girls who needed a safe and loving place to live for a season.  When I took them into my home, I didn’t know how long the season would be, but no matter how long it would be, it would be hard.  I can’t give them up.  But, God has them in His hands and He will provide for each of us as we need.  I began praying this verse over the girls in December when some things in their case began to change and the timeline we thought we were on took a detour.  Now my girls pray it for themselves and it hangs above the fireplace mantle in our home.  “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord.  Plans to prosper you, not to harm you.  Plans to give you hope and a future.”  Jeremiah 29:11.

A year after stepping forward to become a licensed foster parent, I now sold my two bedroom condo for a three bedroom house, traded in my hatchback for a SUV, do more laundry in a week than I used to do in a month, watch Disney Channel and sing along with the theme songs, and have a pantry full of school snacks.  I sleep in a house filled with nightlights, have figured out that you can buy cheap used Barbies at Goodwill, and know what restaurants have Kids’ Eat Free nights which days of the week.  I don’t recognize my own life sometimes but honestly, I love that.  

Submitting to the Lord’s prompting to open my home to children who need foster homes and a safe and loving environment hasn’t been easy, but the bumps and roller coaster focusing on that would take another three pages – however, it has taught me to pray in a new way, to trust in His plans, and to rely on His strength.  I still don’t know how I will handle it when they return home to their mom, but when I see the joy and happiness on their faces when they have their weekly visits, how can I not be happy for them all.  God is in control and He will continue to prompt, lead, and provide for me, for the girls, for their mom, and for the next children He sends into my life…of that I am sure.