About her hair in the morning.
About her funny jokes.
About her politeness.
About her kindness.
About things to make her look special.
About her school work.
About her waiting her turn.
About her helping.
But now
In the past week or so
She is constantly making side comments
Seeking,
Desperately,
For compliments,
For praise,
For ????
"Look at me, aren't I cute?"
"Don't you think I look adorable?"
"Doesn't this bow make me look like a princess?"
"This is a photo opportunity. Look at me hug my sister."
"Mommy? Isn't my singing voice like an angel?"
"Don't you think my Lego house is the best ever?"
"Look how cute my doll and I look in our matching clothes."
"Isn't my coloring picture look just like a professional artist?"
And
After a long three day weekend.
I am finding it incredibly hard
To compliment a child who is constantly seeking it out.
I get that she is seeking some reassurance
Some love
Some attention
Some ???
But it doesn't feel healthy
Or right
To feed into the comments
And give her that praise when she passively
(Well, aggressively)
Is seeking it.
It's not that these comments are new,
They have been part of her repertoire for the 6 months with me,
It's obviously the way she sought the attention she was seeking from others
For many years in her life
When she felt overlooked
When she felt like second best
When she felt like ????
But I don't understand why they are so frequent in conversation lately.
This weekend it was endless.
After a few inappropriate responses from my mouth
(Crap...this parenting stuff is HARD!)
I am switching up tactics and
I am choosing not to answer
Not to respond
With the compliment
That she is seeking when she makes those statements.
Instead I respond with a statement
A statement acknowledging I heard her speak
But not satisfying that self-focus
I'm trying to remember to say things like,
"Thanks for the suggestion, but I like to decide what I take pictures of."
"Enjoy playing with your doll."
"I notice you like drawing."
I really don't know if it is wise
Or best
Or right.
She needs some professional therapy to help her heal
Help her deal
Help her learn
Help her respond.
And I need some professional lessons in how to help her heal
Help her deal
Help her learn
Help her respond.
2 comments:
sounds like your doing good. I can't imagine. I have a couple of ideas after reading... from one mom to another. I think the idea of redirecting is awesome. I also wonder about reading to her what the Bible says about pride as well as how he views us. That the love he has for us is so much more that anything someone on earth can give.
Another thought, would to see what her love language is. It sounds like words of affrimation, but maybe it's something else. If that other love language is fufilled maybe it wouldn't be just with words. Or maybe if you do a little research you'll find someone other ways of filling her tank without being just about apperance, and ability. I don't know... it's easier to say stuff when I'm not there and it they are not my kids. Just something to think about.
I will continue to pray for that so needed therapy to finally start.
Love you. I'm so happy and proud of you.
Thanks, Em. Love you!
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