Things have been rough here.
The girls are melting down
And making poor choices
And showing a complete lack of self-control
(On emotional and physical levels)
In ways that are new,
Different,
And beyond frustrating to me.
I wrote an entirely other post tonight
But it's not publishable
But I have to post
Because I need you
I need your prayers
Tomorrow,
Well, actually today,
Since it is 1:29 am,
Is Thanksgiving.
My sister is here
My niece is here
The girls' mom is coming
My friend, her family, and her mom are coming
And I am so excited for it.
But
I am on the verge of a melt down.
It's not that I haven't had time for "myself"
I have
Tonight in fact was a sister-sister night out
It's not that I want to throw in the towel
Not that the devil hasn't thrown it in my face
But I have hit a wall
I have reached a junction that I didn't see on the horizon
And that I don't know how to deal with this
Because each time I think we are making headway
The behaviors are repeated
Again
In new and different ways
And increasing with magnitude and frequency
My poor sister doesn't know how to help me
She's trying
And honestly,
If she weren't here since last Thursday
I would have possibly exploded
But
In my frustration over the frequency of issues
In the past week
I'm becoming short with her
Because I am not processing all of this appropriately
Healthy.
The girls,
Well,
They aren't getting it right now.
At any level.
And honestly,
I'm mad
I'm angry
I'm frustrated
I'm disappointed
And partly at them
(Okay - some days a LOT at them)
But a lot at me
Because I am not letting go
Because I am taking everything personally
Because I am pulling away from our connection
And it's wrong
So wrong
It's been a growing issue since just before Halloween
I don't know if it's the holiday season
(With a birthday mixed in)
Or if it is the end of the 'honeymoon'But it's starting to snowball
And
Frankly
I hate snow and snowballs.
- Pray for me to have wisdom as to how to handle the frequent negative behavior and attention choices as well as the repeated ones
- Pray for me to be able to separate my personal feelings at their behavior choices and can be understanding of the emotional side from their view point
- Pray for me to rebuild connections and have wisdom of how to reestablish that with thoughtfulness
- Pray for the girls. Ask that they would feel safe, comfortable, and loved here enough to grow in maturity, responsibility, and respect.
- There is more, I know...but tonight this is all I can muster.
2 comments:
Praying for you!!
I am just catching up on your life via the blog posts ---- one thing I can share (maybe giving you light at the end of the tunnel) is that my kids ALWAYS acted out when the routine was disrupted. Even if for a great reason, like holiday guests.
Hopefully, that is all the crazy behavior is about and once they get settled, you'll find things level out.
And the whole, "each time I think we are making headway, the behaviors are repeated" - Yeah... Welcome to motherhood. They learn and forget and learn and forget. It's what kids do. It's normal and expected. Just hang in there. It is exhausting to keep re-teaching, but it is so vital and worth it in the end.
I always try to think about how many times I've repeated the same stupid behaviors and the Lord continues to forgive me. OVER AN OVER AND OVER. I try to emulate his patience *Try being key - not always successful.*
Praying for patience out loud in front of the kids, in the heat of the moment, is something that has worked for me when I was literally ready to smack the holy crap out of a kid. It teaches them how to handle life in the heat of despair - and helps them understand that mom is truly at the very end of her rope and the only safety net that they have in that moment is grace from God. It helped them grasp the enormity of my frustrations. So I only did that when it was truly the end of the end...
Just some thoughts from a mom of teens. :) Every kid is different and every situation is different. Hang in there and keep praying for guidance. It's the only guaranteed way to success.
You are amazing!
Post a Comment