Meeting Mommy

I've loved her before I met her
Because I loved Miss M
Then I loved her more when I got to talk with her on the phone
Because I could hear her heart
Because I could hear her love
Because I could hear her fight
Then today I got to meet her
And I love her even more.

She is
Funny
Friendly
A laugh-er
Silly
Child-like
Real
Honest
Beautiful
Flexible
Grateful
Loving
Fun

I see Miss M in her
A lot
Her freckles
Her eyes
Her smarts
I see Ms. O in her
A lot
Her hair coloring
Her giggle
Her sense of humor

Manners are important to her
Hugs are special to her
"I love yous" are frequent and heart felt
Belief in God's divine hand in all is evident
Gratitude is expressed

I cried on the way home
I'm crying now
Lots of emotions
Mostly good ones as related to her relationship with her girls
But hard ones on the boundary level for me

I didn't want to leave her.
I want to take her under my wing as well.
I want to be that help.

But
I know
In my head
That's not my role
Here
Now
It's not my role
I do know that
But
In my heart
It hurts

But
I can't
Not now
Not for the sake of the girls
Not for the sake of what I have signed up for
But
It doesn't matter if I can't

Because
God can
And
God is

There is no doubt in my mind that I will always be in her life
The girls' lives
Their family's lives
She said it several times
And I promised it several times
I even talked to "Daddy" in Oregon on the phone today
He expressed his thanks for my caring for "his girls"
I said it was my pleasure
Because
Honestly

It has been
It is

And
I can't do anything
Except thank God for
This
Opportunity in my life
This
Change in my life
This
Moment in my life
This
Calling in my life
This
Lesson in my life

And
I can't do anything
Except ask God for
More love
More wisdom
More resources
More opportunities
More grace
More mercy
More lessons

Praise Report:
Thank you for your prayers today
I felt them
She felt them
The girls loved it
The girls thought it was normal
The girls were so excited for us to all be together
As was I
As was she

And a HUGE praise and thanks goes out to the WONDERFUL staff and volunteers who set up, designed, organized, and ran Esther's Hope Festival today.  It was an AMAZING time and we actually stayed for the entire three hours and enjoyed every moment.

Prayer Request:
Pray for wisdom as the parent aide, the girls' mom, and I approach CPS about the lack of care, lack of follow-through, and lack of attention that the caseworker has provided for the girls and their brother.

Interesting Note:
Well...interesting to me anyway.  Between being at the festival for 3 AMAZING hours and then driving the highways for about 2 hours tonight...this picture gives me justification for my tired body, soul, and spirit.

The total miles driven today were more like 155 miles, but I started the official tracking a little into the trip.  From here to get her, from getting her to church, from church to return her, and then from leaving her back to here.