Well, that explains the lack of phone calls!

After the whirlwind of events on Wednesday, and seeing that they told me they had more than 18 emergency placement calls from CPS that day, I was sure I would hear from my agency, CFCA, on Thursday with a call to place a child or children in my house.  The entire day went pass and I did not receive a single phone call.  I was quite saddened, to be honest - but just had to believe Friday would be the day.

So...today is Friday and at 2:30 pm I still did not have a single call.  My license is for one or two girls ages 5-15.  I found it hard to believe that there were no needs for a child to be placed that fit that criteria.  On a whim, I decided to call the placement worker that I had been in communication with throughout the day on Wednesday.  I started to wonder if some where in the craziness of that day my name had gone off the list officially and then forgotten to be put back on.

Before I continue...I should explain that since starting to work with my agency, CFCA, in January I have worked with three different foster placement/licensing experts.  First I worked with D.  She started me on the process of all of the state paperwork and requirements and worked with her from January - June.  After D, I was assigned to work with A, because A would help me submit my license and then follow up with me as my on-going placement worker once I was licensed with children.  After working with A for three weeks, and following much prayer and consideration, I asked to be reassigned to a new on-going placement worker because A and I didn't seem like a good match.  (Which...I have learned through this process is a HUGE DEAL and my agency was very understanding and thanked me for being honest and stepping forward.)  Anyway - I digress.  I then was assigned to work with V about two weeks ago, and we are a great match.

Continuing on with today...

I called D, who had called me with the placement possibility on Wednesday.  When I told her I hadn't had any phone calls for placements in the past two days and she said,"Oh, Maryann - you weren't on the list.  I just saw the placement and knew you had been licensed and Monday and thought you'd be perfect."

I then explained that A, had called me with a placement on Tuesday, and D said, "A did the same thing when she saw the placement come through on Tuesday."  Then D suggested I call V and see what was going on.

I called V and basically it boils down to miscommunication and crossed wires.  She knew I got licensed on Monday, but had misinterpreted a conversation we had had the week before to mean I didn't want to be on the emergency placement list (calls that come from CPS when a child/children are removed directly from their homes) and only on the group/home displacement list (children who were removed from their homes but when they were removed there was no foster home available for them).  V wasn't at a computer right then, but she said to email her all my information again and she'd get me on the emergency list this afternoon.

About 4:30, I got an email from V that I was officially on the list now.  Now...this means I could possibly get a phone call this weekend - but the chances are great.  CPS has a list from all the agencies that is published earlier in the week and they call the homes directly on the weekends.  During the weekdays CPS calls the agencies directly and then the agencies call their people.  Because I am not on CPS's list this weekend, the only way I would get a call is if CPS would go through their list and have no homes available - then they might call an agency individually and ask for a new contact.  I'm not holding my breath.

I admit that today's news really made me upset, sad, and mad.  I've been waiting on pins and needles with anticipation and now I get the news that there was nothing happening.  The anger was fleeting - but I didn't like that it came.  Then it just turned to disappointment.

Sigh.


I took myself out to dinner.
Alone.
I wanted it that way.
I wasn't good company even to myself.
I had a frozen margarita.
Okay.  I had two.
I needed it.
Well, okay...I wanted it.

I am in a better head space now.  At the same time I work through the disappointment of not having a placement yet due to a clerical/miscommunication error, I also have to trust that it's part of God's perfect timing.  I don't get it because in MY perfect timing Thursday and Friday were perfect because I didn't have meetings today and then none of Monday so I could have been more flexible and gotten the girls settled in and situated.  But alas, it's NOT MY timing - it's HIS and I have to TRUST!

I have to LET GO.
I have to TRUST.
I have to WAIT on HIM.
I have to BELIEVE in HIS PERFECT WILL.
I have to BELIEVE in HIS PERFECT TIMING.


So, for now - the bedroom and beds are still empty - but I am TRUSTING in HIS TIMING.