Battling Back

This spring we moved
Back to the community where we teach

So the commute would be less

So the family time could increase 

So the girls could attend their home schools

So the girls could live among their peers

So the girls would have consistency 

So the girls could plant roots.

And the move went well

The house is home

The Foothills soothe my soul

The commute is five minutes for me

And ten for Janelle

But it means a new school for Sadie and Bella

And new friends

And new teachers

And new routines

And they aren’t at “Auntie’s” school anymore

And I moved schools too.

Literally to the middle school right next door

To Sadie and Bella

And where one or more of the girls will attend for the next 10 years

But it means a new staff for me

And a new neighborhood for me

And a new parent community for me

And a new subject for me

And more grading

And more classes to prep for

And less prep time to do it in 

And extra stress of proving myself as a respectable and effective teacher in a new area

I knew I needed to make some of “those” calls
Phone calls to parents with some on-going concerns I’ve had
Calls to try to have some hard discussions 
But to keep it positive and connected
The calls I hate to make
But the calls that can bring the support lines together and help

Voicemail
Voicemail
Voicemail
Call back

Things start off fine
I think
Positive
I think
But then it went ugly
And mean
And fast

It was "that mom"
"That mom" who “listens” as I share my concerns
But then moves in for the attack
"That mom" who tells me it’s all me not him/her
"That mom" who tells me I am mean
"That mom" who tells me I am a rude 
"That mom" who tells me all I am doing wrong as a teacher 
"That mom" who tells me I don’t understand how to work with middle schoolers
"That mom" who tells me she’s friends with all the other moms and they all talk about how bad I am
"That mom" who said more but my brain was firing off in a million directions trying to process where this all went so horribly wrong

And I listen
Stunned
To the rudest parent attack in my 19 years of teaching 
And I am basically speechless 
And I don’t know how to respond
Because I won’t accept her comments
Because I don’t believe her comments
Because I won’t own her comments
But I tell her I will consider her comments
(As if they will ever leave my rolling self-talk cycle)
But I tell her I will reflect upon her criticisms 
(As if I’ll ever be able to think of anything else for the upcoming hours, days, weeks)
And I hang up
And my stomach hurts
And my heart hurts
And my eyes well up

Trying to decide what to do next
No desire to call anyone
That’s for sure

I should be getting my girls
But I am frozen
I am hurt
Hurt

But I open an email
It’s a short email from a mom
It simply says “thank you.”
All I did was send out a weekly email
With basic information
But she took the time to say thank you.

Another “thank you” from another mom
And this one adds that her son loves my class
That he loves me as his teacher. 

And I sigh
Deep breaths
Inhale
Exhale
My heart is still racing from the verbal attack

I've always been told "not to take things personally"
But when I put my heart and soul into something
Personal is what it is to me.

So I decided to write "these moms" back
Thanking
"These moms"
For raising amazing kids
Thanking 
“These moms” 
For sharing their kids with me as a teacher 
Thanking 
“These moms” 
For taking time to reach out to me with simple emails of appreciation. 

And then I decide 
I’m going to battle back
Not with more words to “that mom”
It’s not worth it.
She made it clear her mind was made up.

But I wasn’t going to let her label me in my new school
But I wasn’t going to roll over and let her win tonight
Or take my weekend from me

So I sat down
And I wrote to 
“These moms”
And
“These dads”
About
“These kids”

And I wrote
And I wrote
And I wrote

And I began to appreciate deeply
And I began to feel simple joy
And I began to win over the attack

I wrote emails to all
“These families”

I sent out over 120 emails before I left school for the weekend 
Little notes
Short notes
Just quick notes of appreciation

Most of my students 
“These kids”
Are really awesome
And kind-hearted 
And polite
And I love learning with them 
And as a parent, I would want to know that from my child’s teacher
And as a teacher, I needed to do that for myself tonight
To reach out
To make those connections
To express my appreciation and joy of teaching 
“These kids”

And I battled back
Battled back with positivity 
Battled back with kindness
Battled back with simple joy
Battled back with appreciation

And I am better for it.
And I hope it makes a difference for one of
“Those moms”
“Those dads”
“Those kids”
"Those families"